Paying less: The best way to prevent money laundering
Amid the epidemic of money laundering crimes, the country just invented a foolproof method of preventing people from doing dirty stuff with the money they don't need.
The game-changing idea is underpaying workers.
"Our idea is simple. If you pay your workers less, they will have no money left after meeting their own needs. If you don't have money, how would you launder?" the payment minister, who owns 20 tea gardens, said in a live press conference, broadcast by BBC, CNN, Aljazeera and hundreds of other channels.
While asked if the government had conducted any experiment before utilising this new scheme, the payment minister said, "Bro, we have been validating this since time immemorial. We have been paying our tea workers around $1.2 dollars for a full day of work and guess what, they barely can make both ends meet, let alone launder money!
"People think we have been depriving these workers for decades, but they don't know that all the things we have been doing is just for the betterment of our economy. How could someone even think about laundering money abroad if he or she can't even afford to buy a dozen eggs with his whole day's income?" one of the owners, locally known as the modern Nawab, said.
People, finally, could understand why tea workers have been paid "Incredibly little" and are now desperate to felicitate the rare geniuses who were once ridiculed and derided by them.
The world should immediately congratulate Chapasthan for finding the best possible way of tackling the money laundering problem.
The idea proved to be even more spectacular when an independent probe was launched by Satireday to know whether it really worked. The probe found that there was no tea worker in the list of famous money launderers, and recommended that other workers should be paid less, Tk 120 per day, if the country wanted to end the scourge of money laundering.
"I want to apologise to our tea-garden owners for asininely denouncing them. Had they not done that, we would have been bankrupt by now," Telbaba, a polite citizen, said, repenting his previous remarks.