The ever obliging hostages

The hiring manager at Takata Inc. in Farmington Hills, Michigan tells me, "We have seen tons of engineers, but none who has been in a Pepsi TV commercial."

The interview goes well and I am glad I did the TV commercial, among 3 others during my eons while a student at BUET, thanks to countless unscheduled closures. My starting salary at Takata, my first ever job, is US USD 42,000 per year. I'm sad. My 'opportunity cost' is USD 126,000 (USD 42,000 × 3) from the 3 years I lost at BUET, thanks to the classic session jam. Combine that with those of 500 students in our graduating batch, we are looking at a combined opportunity cost of a whopping USD 63 million!

Time is money. Time is also honey, as my matrimonial bliss is pushed back by 3 years. I am so old by the time I get married that 2 of my teeth come off by the time I said 'Kobul'.

Being a person constantly looking back to find things to be regretful about, I realise what went wrong. And I do, right away. We are a whole mega pack of sheep available to be hostages. For every conceivable demand of every conceivable group of every conceivable origin of every conceivable affiliation with every conceivable motive, all triggered by every conceivable source, we, the pack of clueless sheep, are at the disposal of the few. Demand the annulment of the expulsion of a student, and the 2,000 strong flock of sheep (500 per batch × 4 batches) are at the disposal of one single demand that the majority of those 2,000 don't care about, are unaware of, or are plain old opposed to. But, hey, these are the silent majority — always available to serve as the obedient hostage of a few.

Human beings, constituting 99 percent of the 8 billion on this planet, are all law abiding, always obliging hostages. We have the physical body with its mere needs for food, shelter, education and love that is readily available in all sizes, ages, colours, religions, nationalities, ethnicities and orientations to be utilised, without any opposition or protest, to meet any demand. Want to meet medical demands and our health is here. Want to meet warped religious demands and our necks are here. Want to demand a throne and the soon-to-be Mediterranean crossing (and Trump rejecting) refugees are here. Want to slap the black marketers and the commoners in need for 500 rupee notes are here. Want a bicycle and a radio and the brand new wife is here. Increase Saudi Arabia's Hajj revenues and the simple Muslims are here. Even an estranged husband wanting to speak with his ex-wife and an Egypt Air plane full of passengers are there as hostages.

We in Bangladesh are more creative given limited resources. All we need is a street intersection (no issue if dilapidated), a few erect, young men and a few erect, young bamboo sticks. Combine these two with loud screams (we can't whisper anyway, remember, from suffering from voice immodulation) and hey presto! The metal bodies of vehicles are available for Ringo Starr like percussion beats, the windshields are there for the cymbals, the terrified passengers inside (better if there are traumatised kids) with their screams providing the background cheers of a concert, not to mention the fiery eyes of the percussionists leaving a lifelong scar in impressionable minds which have no clue of hiking prices, court orders or subsequent demands. Add to the fun, there is nothing like the ensuing pyrotechnics with the omnipresent gasoline that magically appear from somewhere, the same gasoline that has seen a dearth at filling stations just a day ago. The arsonists are kind — before the climax of the Guy Fawkes fireworks, they take a breather, almost a foreplay to their pyromaniac climax, to let the occupants come out and enjoy the view of the bonfire made from the very transport they were in just 2 minutes ago.

Now I know why the innocent kid gets slapped so many times for simply playing with his toy right after dad and mom complete their conjugal fight…

Demand anything, anywhere, anytime and we, the sheep, are here. We will always be here.

Yours Truly (and NOT at all Humorously)

The Ever Obliging Hostages

The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ATN Bangla's The Naveed Mahbub Show and ABC Radio's Good Morning Bangladesh, the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.

E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com