The curse of the Bonsai

Source: bohemianspage

The horizontal axis of the graph surely extends from the right to the left, Middle Eastern style. That is the only explanation for denoting 4,500 crore (45 billion) to be 'less' than 1 lakh (1 hundred thousand). After all, Tk. 4,500 crore OUT of the bank is 'a pittance' and Tk. 1 lakh IN the bank makes one rich, rich enough to take care of the excise taxes with no worries. No wonder I can't find many poor people around me. Congratulations Bangladesh! You have just had a double promotion – you have skipped the stage of becoming a middle income country to becoming a rich country. Even this young man who I thought was struggling, is presumably six times richer than 'rich' because he just paid Tk. 6 lakh (600,000) for a driver's job in Qatar. After 20 years in the corporate world where I had always RECEIVED signing bonuses, I still find it baffling to having to PAY like a 'rich' to do a job for the rich in an oil rich country while being paid poorly, not to mention being  treated even more poorly.

And Qatar? Not the most favourite place in the Middle East right now, is it? Especially since America's buddies in the region are at loggerheads with it. Wonder if Trump's recent visit to Saudi Arabia had anything to do with it. After all, palace intrigue is contagious, something that is now rife at the White House. And so the story goes that Trump did go around the Middle East asking for a pay up of a trillion dollars for US' G4S duties in the region. Even Uncle Sam's coffers are drying up. Oh, and POTUS is not happy with NATO not paying up, as evident in his shoving aside the President of Montenegro. And no, the name of the country has nothing to do with Trump's racism…

I am sure the average American taxpayers don't give a rat's posterior about geopolitics but surely does when it comes to their tax paying dollars. They would rather see health care than the expensive upkeep of F-16s.

Scaled down, the scenario is not too different here in Bangladesh either as the nation's coffers need revenue to pay its bills. Somebody has to pay for the bonsai trees near the airport. I have to say I thought a scary scene from the next Star Wars movie would be shot in Dhaka. After all, the bonsai do look like mutated trees from a Sci-Fi horror movie.

But there is a hefty price tag. Hence we go to China which exports its green dwarves though it itself builds vertical gardens to reduce CO2 emissions.

Since some of the botanical midgets are coming from Japan too, can we save some money by getting reconditioned ones? Maybe not a good idea – after reconditioning, the bonsai may turn into cilantro.

There is widespread ridicule. But I say the soil of Bangladesh needs the bonsai. We need the Zen. Ah, Zen –  as long as the mind shuts out the fact that the human has stunted the natural growth of a living organism.

Look, the bonsai is the core essence of who we are. We stunt those who are due for a promotion, we wish to see the helping hand remain as the helping hand forever. Through our bonsai vision, we ridicule the culinary variety of noodles on cooking shows. Our sense of safety and sanity has been bonsai-fied as we approach the 1st anniversary of the Holey Artisan tragedy while the world sees yet another attack in London and the first of its kind in Tehran. Oh, and not to mention, now being that time of the year when the middle class of Bangladesh is further bonsai-fied as its hard earned money stashed in banks is bonsai-fied.

Maybe to avoid the excise tax on the Tk. 100,000 in the bank, one can invest in half a bonsai. Can also score some green points: "Plant a tree, save the environment." Thus planting a bonsai falls under the SME category – the Small and the Midget for the Environment (says, Naveed, the SME – Small and Medium Entertainer).

Gotta pay the bills man! Gotta find new ways to tax. How about VAT on VAT, i.e., Value Added Taxes on Valueless Annoying Trolls on social media? How about death tax? At least a onetime payment is guaranteed (nine times for cats). What about VAT on birth? Curious how the 'at source' VAT works…

Ah bonsai! Reminds me of this lady who used to grow bonsai trees. Her daughter never went beyond 4 feet. Talk about the curse of the bonsai! As our honesty is bonsai-fied through ever increasing taxes at home and our safety is bonsai-fied with the ever increasing occurrences of terrorism around the globe, let us not forget the collective curse of the 8 billion honest, peaceful and hardworking bonsai…

The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ATN Bangla's The Naveed Mahbub Show and ABC Radio's Good Morning Bangladesh, the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.

E-mail: Naveed@NaveedMahbub.com