How to be a Bangladeshi pedestrian

Living in this country, I'm sure you're aware of the existence of "overbridges". You know, those built for safer road crossing and fewer accidents? No, you're never going to use those because you're a daredevil. Today I'll teach you how to be a proper pedestrian in Bangladesh.

For the budding thrill-seekers, you can jaywalk across relatively empty streets. Walking across when there are more cars in the flow is a bit extreme. But in my opinion, if you truly want to be a Bangladeshi pedestrian, the ultimate option is to walk when it's crowded with MOVING traffic and it's clearly a smashing idea to cross. Extra tip: if you attempt to cross RIGHT as the traffic officer lets go of the lane, more vehicles will be likely to appreciate you by blaring horns — kind of like walking on the red carpet at the Oscars. Bonus points if you move slowly in front of each fast moving vehicle with your hand stretched out as if you're Gandalf. Indeed, they shall not pass.

Some roads don't have pavements, forcing people to walk on the road. But see, a true Bangladeshi pedestrian is a master of consistency; even when you have a perfectly fine pavement, you'll need to pretend it's not there and still walk on the road. The further you're away from the pavement and towards the middle of the road, the better. This is particularly helpful if you're looking for potential suitors. You hear all those cars and buses that are honking at you over and over to get your undivided attention? They totally want you.

Unfortunately for many of the suitors, Bangladeshi pedestrians are obligated to make match-making difficult. One way is to go to your nearest neighbourhood store to buy invisible earplugs, only for BDT 799.99 (and no, I'm not being paid for this advertisement). They're so effective that even when the vehicles are right behind and maddeningly honking at you, you won't even notice! A close money-saving second is to have friend(s) tag along so y'all can play hard to get together by talking as exaggeratedly as possible and ignoring traffic.

Indeed, being a Bangladeshi pedestrian is quite daunting, but if that's what you're worried about, then I've only got one thing to say to you: don't you want to be cool? 

Rasheed Khan is a hug monster making good music but terrible puns and jokes where he's probably the only one laughing. Ask him how to pronounce his name at aarcvard@gmail.com