Semana Caliente

A man in Bronx, New York, gets into his Honda just like another man in London who gets into his Hyundai. The Bronx man drives down to Times Square just like the London man drives down to Westminster. Bronx man mows down people at Time Square. London man mows down people at Westminster. Bronx man is apprehended. London man is shot to prevent further mayhem. Bronx man tells cops that he had expected the cops to shoot him. London man had expected to get killed for 'eternal peace'. Bronx man is imbibed in (high on) PCP (PeaCe Pill, aka, Phencyclidine, aka dope). London man is imbibed in warped teachings instilled through demagogues. Bronx man says God made him do it. London man believed that God 'thought' his action was the 'right' thing to do. Bronx man was arrested twice before for drunk driving. London man had prior records of violence. Bronx man is named Richard Rojas. Phew! Though I'm still worried the West may find out that 'Roja' in Bangla refers to Ramadan…London man is named Khalid Masood. Another nail in the coffin of the religion taken hostage by thugs. Bronx man is identified as a man with mental problems. London man is rightfully called a terrorist. The Bronx man incident prompts New York Mayor Bill de Blasio and other officials to say, "There is no indication the incident was an act of terrorism." The London man incident prompts authorities to rightfully label this as an act of terrorism.

The only conclusion one can deduce here is that as long as there are drugs or alcohol involved, it is NOT an act of terrorism.

Maybe that is why the Banani rape case took a long time to get registered. But that fact is registering less and less in our minds, thanks to the current heat wave that is melting our brains housing the memory of a goldfish. Besides, all accused have confessed to their crimes committed in the 'heat of the moment'. Along with rush money and flush money (laundering), there is also hush money I guess.

Let's now just worry about the real heat where even the Celsius scale is competing with the Fahrenheit scale. I can surely tell why people are happily working overtime – for the free air conditioning at offices. The sweltering heat shows no respite. To make things worse, there's more load shedding, I mean, load 'sharing'. Hey, is there anyone interesting in the excess 15 kgs of fat I'm carrying in me now that I know that instead 'shedding' this load of flab, I can 'share' it?

Speaking of heat, someone else is also in a lot of heat. Our Man Trump. To escape the political heat of Washington, he goes to the desert heat of Riyadh. And when you carry 110 billion dollars worth of weapons vouchers in your caravan (Air Force One) as part of a 'tremendous deal', you can surely sport your trophy wife without an abaya and let her hands be touched by the smiling Saudi (male) royalty.

And the Saudi religion police are nowhere in sight. It's ok – they don't cane Vogue models for indecent exposure. Besides, the religion police did once exhibit liberalism as one was found with porn in his cell phone. And I'm sure it was Saudi porn which is nothing but a woman driving.

Hey, there's even a Jewish person (Ivanka's husband Jared Kushner) on Saudi soil to watch his father-in-law lay his hand on a glowing crystal ball with fellow harbingers of democracy – Egypt's Sisi and Saudi Arabia's king Salman as well as watch Trump's speech to the 50 Arab leaders belonging to the faith that Trump claims 'hates America'.

Another history made. The first ever direct flight from Riyadh to Tel Aviv. Sorry, tickets to the flight are not available on Kayak.com.

Trump's first overseas trip didn't come without adequate preparation. USS Trump, running low on fuel with still a LONG way to travel, had to jettison some load – Michael Flynn, Preet Bharara, Sally Yates, Angella Reid…and the latest, James Comey for his refusing to be Trump's homie. 

But a trip abroad is nevertheless a breather from the heat. As Bill Maher puts it, POTUS is visiting the Vatican, Israel and Saudi Arabia, the cradles of the three major religions of the US: Christianity, Judaism and Oil.  Let's just hope that Trump isn't impeached while abroad. After all, his edict is that no criminals shall be allowed into the US.

The heat continues. Another tragedy. This time in Manchester. IS has it easy – it gets closer to its pre-Ramadan kill target simply by claiming responsibility of the action of any madman.

What a semana caliente – hot week! Sir Roger Moore could take it no more. So long Simon Templar, Lord Brett Sinclair and James Bond. And I really think that a saint, a persuader and a 007 is really what we need to straighten out all the heated issues, including the highest priority one on Lady Justice – no wait, that's done.

The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ATN Bangla's The Naveed Mahbub Show and ABC Radio's Good Morning Bangladesh, the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.

E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com