Who is Daddy's Girl?

Let's face it, if there is anyone we love the most, it's ourselves. It is probably the biggest waste of human cells to have a pair of ears – just one would have sufficed. I mean, am I really listening to you when you are going on and on talking about your child? Remember the embarrassing moment when your mom told you (when you were a kid) with all the guests in the living room, "Why don't you sing your ABCs to all your aunties?"

"Noooo!!!!"

Of course, the assembled aunties are too polite to say this out loud, but their minds are groaning, telling their whole bodies to brace for the most boring concert for the next longest three minutes. With our blind love for our broods, we fail to realise that other parents don't quite share that same love for our kids.

And so, the tormenting recitation starts, "A-B-C-D-E-F-G…."

The fake enthusiasm and looks of admiration deserve instant Oscars. Once done, all clap, "Yea! That was beautiful!"

Done. Well, not quite. There is one champion hypocrite (we are all hypocrites) who goes, "That was wonderful! How about another song!"

"Noooooooo!!!! We will kill you!!" This is the Google Translation of the collective grimace of all the other aunties. Of course, the proud parent continues to be blind, "Now sing Jack and Jill – see auntie wants to hear another one."

You see, we love our own kids and everybody else's spouses. The age old theory transcends into the digital age too. Just put a picture of your kid on Facebook and you will get struggled comments like "Aw! How cute!!", "Adorable!", "So sweet!" and 16 'Like's. Put up your wife's picture and the comments will flood in: "She's gorgeous!", "You lucky dog!" Not to mention 1,800 'Like's and 274 shares.

Donald Trump takes this to the next level as he says, "If Ivanka wasn't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her."

As a father of two daughters myself, I will not go that far, but I actually do hide behind a curtain when my five year old daughter snatches the microphone at a wedding ceremony to sing a nursery rhyme, much to the annoyance of a thousand people as I, the proud father, imbibe in the beauty of her on stage from my hiding while a thousand pair of eyes search the room to see where the irresponsible parent is, not coming to THEIR rescue.

I can however vouch for the blind love and admiration of the daughter for her father in the reverse direction. My older daughter has no qualms filling up her school form with 'Comedian' as the 'Occupation of Father'.

The same blind love prompts the First Daughter to emphatically claim at the W20 Women's Summit that her father is a "tremendous champion of supporting families". The audience jeers but her gracious host Angela Merkel perfectly masks any reaction she may have had at that moment, the same way we, as students, once did when our teacher was yelling at us with the fly of his trousers open. Then again, perhaps the definition of being a 'champion' is downing a few Tic Tacs just in case an opportunity needs to be 'grabbed'. Any other definition of 'champion' is totally fake news.

But the German Chancellor sees beyond the boos and the hisses as she carefully studies the picture of Ivanka sitting behind the desk at the Oval Office with her dad standing on one side and the Canadian PM standing on the other, an image that draws flak on social media. Hence, Angela Merkel slips in the W20 Summit invitation to the First Daughter during her (Merkel's) Washington visit, something that draws a lot of flak for herself (Merkel). Merkel sees the power map – Ivanka may not just be daddy's girl at daddy's office, but is the First Daughter with full security clearance and with an office next to that of the POTUS. Merkel is perhaps nurturing a relatively saner conduit to the Oval Office.

Perhaps we can get a free lesson here to see who the Ivanka of Mamata Banerjee is who can talk some sense into her. It sure is not Narindra Modi or Pranab Mukherjee – they don't have the ball bearings.  Here's a hint – it is NOT a person, and in fact, literally has ball bearings associated with it. Think, it's not rocket science…

The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ATN Bangla's The Naveed Mahbub Show and ABC Radio's Good Morning Bangladesh, the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.

E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com