Destroy the E-cigarette market, says chief wealth officer

In a recent announcement the Ministry of Wealthfare announced that they were going to come down hard with a ban on e-cigarettes. This was in conjunction with their plans to create a tobacco-free country by 2099.

While the roadmap for the eventual plans was yet to be disclosed, Chief Wealth Officer Solaimon Bidhi Miya stated that they would destroy the e-cigarette market in the country with "fear and fury". Miya, who was heavily criticised upon his appointment to the ministry for holding a position as an executive director at Bidesh Markin Tobacco, revealed ongoing plans to ban the import of e-cigarettes.

Miya, no stranger to controversy, perplexed the country with this announcement as e-cigarettes did not contain any form of tobacco. This was pointed out by a reporter during the press conference.

Not to be deterred, Miya immediately retaliated by calling the boys in black to take away the reporter, remarking that dissenting views against the government had no place in society.

"E-cigarettes are tobacco-free. That's the whole point. We want to rid the country of any tobacco-free alternatives. This will make it easier to become a tobacco free country by 2099."

When asked when they would be banning tobacco companies such as Bidesh Markin Tobacco from operating in the country, he responded by saying, "Banning tobacco is not the answer. It's easy to ban tobacco, but that will not bring results. Many people have also said tobacco should be heavily taxed. I do not think that's the solution either. We must have an open market for tobacco products, and reduce the taxes on cigarettes. This will allow tobacco companies to compete in an open market and find us the solution for a tobacco-free country by 2099 through their CSR projects."

After the press conference, Miya also handed out samples of Bidesh Markin Tobacco's new premium cigarette which comes in a variety of flavours ranging from classic nostalgic bidi to gummy bear.

[This article does not support smoking of any kind. Seriously]

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