It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me, says BCB boss

The following is an excerpt from a dream journal of a Bangladesh cricket fan, also a Taylor Swift fan. This is a dream, and any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely subconscious. We have not changed any names to be faithful to the dream of one cricket crazy individual, who we shall not name.

Night had fallen over the Sher-e-Bangla National Stadium in Mirpur on March 14, after England won the T20I series 3-0, which followed a 3-0 win in the ODI series for the tourists, bringing an end to the one excuse of the Bangladesh Cricket Board (BCB) – that Bangladesh are a formidable team at home.

BCB President Nazmul Hassan Papon took to the microphone at the post match press conference, instead of the defeated captain or the prodigal son-cum-coach Chandika Hathurusingha.

At this point a brinjal, or eggplant, jumped across the table and landed on Hassan's face, and like magic, I could not see the brinjal or eggplant anymore.

"I have a confession to make," Papon said. "It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me. At teatime, lunchtime, all the players actually agree."

Taylor Swift then took a seat beside the BCB supremo, the head honcho, the big begun bhaja [in the words of the dream journal, our "legal department" advised us to reiterate].

Papon continued, "I have a condition where if I am not shown on television and I am not the centre of attention, I get really sick.

"When I talked about the rift between Tamim and Shakib, of course I didn't need to, but I kinda had to. You see, if things run smoothly, the public will ask why they need me around. So, while everyone knew about the relationship not being the best between the two biggest stalwarts of the country, I was compelled to bring it up before the series against the team that was the last to beat us in a bilateral ODI series at home, in 2016.

"That," Papon said with a big smile, "is my real function as BCB president. I like to interfere and mix things up. Like you said, I am interferer in chief. I am all that is wrong with Bangladesh cricket."

Then, as fireworks decorated the Mirpur sky, Papon and Taylor Swift merged and Swift said, "I polish up real, I polish up real … Nice!"

Satireday bears no responsibility for someone else's dreams