Notorious e-commerce platform brings in ‘foreign investments’

Last Friday, renowned business guru and founder of E-Gorge, Bruhssel Bromad, announced to thousands of his followers and fanboys through his Facebook live stream that E-Gorge had finally procured some foreign investment. 

This came months after regulatory bodies had been pursuing E-Gorge on the basis of what they termed "fraudulent activities".

Bruhsell sat in his signature gaming chair and wiped away the tears on his face after being dogged by regulatory bodies and journalists for months on end.  The webcam light bounced off the disco ball on his forehead, branded with E-Gorge stickers in typical Bruhsell fashion.

"Let's get thing one out of the way," he said, pointing to the disco ball, "this is on sale at E-Gorge.com with a 99% discount for all of my fans.

"Now, let's talk about E-Gorge. No one believed in me. People bullied me online, calling me a fraud. Nobody believed me when I said I just needed more time to ensure E-Gorge could deliver its backlog of two years' worth of orders. Well, now we have procured one the largest foreign investments of all time! A Chainese investment company will be injecting us with $550 billion!! The Genius Book of World Records has already contacted me and I will be receiving my plaque, delivered by E-Gorge parcel service shortly," said Bruhsell.

The livestream was flooded with likes and heart reacts as long-time fans of E-Gorge and Bruhsell celebrated in the comment sections declaring every news agency and government entity to ever ridicule E-Gorge as "dalals".

But some people were still looking for answers. A few viewers asked for details of the investing company and when they would be receiving products they had ordered in 2019.

"The company's name is ---uh--- it's Pawnzi Ltd. They're a company out of Chaina and they could not wait to invest in us after seeing our business model," Bruhsell said, putting his hand in front of his mouth, choking on what people could only assume to be tears of joy.

Viewers, at this point, started commenting about the white board with a triangle drawn in marker. Bruhsell moved it out of the frame quickly before reassuring viewers that it was only a new business model that they had been working on. Many fans of Bruhsell have since speculated that it might be the Illuminati sign, as only that can explain how a man from such a humble background could reach such heights.

"Now, for everyone who believed in me and are still waiting for me to deliver their products, I will explain the procedure to get your products in the second quarter of the next year. Firstly, you'll need to draw a pentagram on your floor using some red paint. Then you need to switch off your lights and burn and delete both physical and digital copies of all of your receipts by candlelight. Once you are done, send the video to my Telergraam ID, and you will receive your products soon," he said, and followed up by whispering, "terms and conditions apply."

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