Sabre-toothed tiger claws into cricket board ‘purrsident’

Over the years, a culmination of the effects of climate change has melted the permafrost and brought out ancient microbes, deadly viruses and what not. Although, none of it remotely bothered most of the cricket crazies of Merepoor, also known as "zombies", what transpired as of late has stunned even the most ardent of zombies, who are renowned for living off the "hope of victory". 

Sometime last week, the sabre-toothed tiger, which was assumed to have gone extinct either in the Ice Age or 2013, surprised everyone by entering the world yet again and lashing out at the Merepoor Cricket Board purrsident, who controls the Bobcats, previously known as the Tigers.

After the IPP Wild Cats' T20 World Cup began, rumours of the board president -- who has no name -- being a "Nazgul" disguised as a Persian black cat kept circulating, courtesy of a Triggerbook group known as the "Fellowship of the Ring".

The Daily Nebula was informed that the first thing the sabre-toothed tiger, or Mr Sabre, did after coming out of supposed extinction was to open a Bitter account under the name "Sabre Sane Jury".

 There, Mr Sabre made a post: "It's not funny at all that He-who-has-no-name has no shame as well. What's so disgraceful is how the longest serving purrsident, who also happens to be the most incompetent, ran the image of the Bobcats down the 22 yards."

In response to Mr Sabre, the board purrsident called for a press conference at the so-called centre of the universe -- the infamous Merepoor pitch -- and began delivering a monologue for the ages.

"My dear feline cousins, look around and tell me, what did you get for being so wild all these years? Sundarbans' tigers are already on the brink of extinction, and you, Mr Sabre, are the last of your kind," said the purrsident. "The true wild nature, contrary to what you've been told, is to survive. And not just at any cost, but with ultimate ease. This isn't the Pleistocene era, so purr up! Meow!

"It all might seem counter-intuitive but my vision of transforming the Tigers into Bobcats and then into Super-cute Cats through selective breeding would make all of us carefree in the long-run," he continued. "And after the remaining tigers and bobcats are fully domesticated, the people of Meowpurr will not find anything to criticise.

"And Mr Sabre, no wonder you didn't last as long as I have. By the way, that's what she said!" he said in a not-so formal manner.

"Finally, to all my gullible haters, I'm only halfway there. Mark my words. I still have five lives left out of nine," he remarked at the end of his speech.

Right after that, every reporter's jaw and mic dropped, as the purrsident abruptly transformed into a Nazgul and flew off into the horizon on the back of a dragonish creature.