Hold the Door: Bangladeshi Weddings

"They've breached through," my uncle's terrified voice echoed in my ears. I looked to my right with the faint hope of seeing the shoulders of another fellow comrade. The sight of my cousin being slowly dragged inside enemy territory gave me a clear indication of how slim my odds were. But even if I'm outnumbered, even if my chances are bleak, giving up isn't an option for me. Because it's my sister's wedding and I'll hold the door or die trying. 

The fact that the scenario above isn't really that farfetched from reality gives you an indication of how surreal Bangladeshi weddings can be. The age old Bengali traditions of hospitality and goodwill go straight out the door when it's time to guard that sacred door to a wedding altar. We still carry out this tradition of holding the gate against the rampaging groom's family and friends, diligently.

The premise is simple. If you're on the bride's side, then it is your sole duty to bring out your inner Donald Trump and build a wall that can only be brought down with a sweet deal. The bride is a part of your beloved family and there is no way you're going to let some Chatgaiian, or wherever the groom is from, just take her away. You are going to put up an opposition that'll put the French resistance to shame. You are the Gandalf Grey to their Balrog Demon, The Hodor to their army of White Walkers. And the only way the groom's side shall be allowed to pass through is if they manage to strike a deal that'll please the pockets of every kid involved in this rite of passage. 

This whole operation begins to get tricky as soon as the cunning warriors from the groom's side step into the arena. This role is usually taken by the groom's friends or cousins with such previous experience. These seasoned warriors are agile and articulate. Their only purpose is to laugh away the demands from the bride's side for being preposterous. They soon try to resolve the argument with a laughably low demand which is booed all across the defence line. When their words of deceit fail to deter anyone they resort to trickery by dangling a false bag of money filled with spare change. This complex financial standoff continues till some of the elders lose patience and tell the younger ones to hurry things up a bit.

Ludicrous, flamboyant and over the top; the beloved tradition of gate holding epitomizes what Bangladeshi weddings are all about. The fact that we take the negotiation for an entrance fee to this melodramatic level, even though this hard earned money is forgotten all about after the transaction, is a reminder of the fact that Bangladeshi weddings are not just about the wedlock but about the spirit of celebration and the bonding between families. There are reasons why someone might find this wedding tradition juvenile, but that's exactly what it aims to be. Because this is exactly what our confined urban lives lack, because in the end, these seemingly meaningless traditions are what make Bangladeshi weddings so dear to our heart. 

That and the kacchi too, of course. 

Can't forget the kacchi, now. 

Nuren Iftekhar is your local stray cat in disguise; he interacts with people for food and hates bright light. He got Hufflepuff 3 times straight in Pottermore so no walking around that one. Send him obscure memes at n.iftekhar18@gmail.com