Zuckerberg please!

I am not a social media person. Don't get me wrong – I post status updates about my hatred for online businesses, I upload selfies from my uncle's neighbour's brother-in-law's wedding, and I make it my sacred duty to heart every puppy picture out there. I think it's fine to occasionally post updates about your life, but I do not understand the concept of constantly reminding people of your existence through social media.

There was a time when I and my friends used Snapchat for sending each other pictures of our double, triple and quadruple chins. Then everything changed when the crazy filters came about. Everybody started using it. They posted about every little thing they did, every little dump they took. I tried putting up with it, but then one day I saw this person who took videos of her entire 2 hour-long date and put the whole thing on Snapchat. That was the last straw for me.

I uninstalled this app, hoping it would leave me alone for the rest of my life. Sadly, it did not. First came Instagram stories, a completely unnecessary feature – considering the fact that many people already post 83750 pictures on Instagram per day, and that this was very obviously a knock-off. I used to love Instagram because it had fewer toxic people, a chronological feed and it was perfect for stalking people. Now, it has a feature that tries to be Snapchat but fails miserably, and the home page algorithm is just like that of Facebook, so you can no longer stalk wannabe edgy girls without having pictures of chokers and Lana Del Rey showing up on your feed all the time. Thank you, Zuckerburg.

After all of this pain and suffering, I thought he would at least leave the chatting apps alone. But then Facebook Messenger – an abysmally designed app that Zuck had forced us to install in the first place – suddenly turned into an extremely strange version of Snapchat. It has bad filters, weird overlays and cancerous sticker packs. All those creepy texts I used to get in the filtered inbox, will now have attached pictures.

Thank you, Mr Zuckerberg. You are a worse disappointment to Facebook's loyal user base than I am to my parents. That is really saying something, because I don't go to BUET and my family hates me. But maybe if you had gone to BUET, or had a college degree at all, you'd make better apps.

P. S. I almost forgot about WhatsApp because nobody uses it anymore, but it also has a Snapchat-like emoji feature for photos now. You're welcome.

Aanila Kishwar Tarannum started hating on everything the moment she realised why her parents put so many A's in her name: because they knew her transcript would be devoid of any vowels. Find out about her relentless rants at aanila.tarannum@gmail.com