How to be more desirable to a guy

Since we all know that getting male attention is the only thing that matters in a woman's life, I have compiled a list of full proof ways to achieve your life's goal.

1. Men love women who can cook. So, turn your whole house into a kitchen and throw out all your clothes and exchange it for aprons. You can sleep inside the dishwasher like a true woman.

2. To ensure that you're not deceiving the guy, you must throw out all cosmetics starting from your makeup, moisturisers, then your shampoos and conditioners. To really give him an idea of who you are, you must stop showering altogether because showering will just hide your true odour. 

3. To find out his likes and dislikes date his best friend and get the inside scoop.

4. You are no longer allowed to have any likes or dislikes of your own so go throw your personality out the window.

5. Men love it when you take their last name. But, why stop there? Take his whole name and his personality and just be him.

6. Guys don't like girls who are taller than them because the entire fabric of the universe will shatter if you're taller than the guy. To prevent this, just stop drinking milk so that you don't grow anymore. This will also add a nice crackling sound to your bones and who doesn't like that?

7. Don't dye your hair weird colours. That's deceiving the guy. Just shave all of the hair off.

8. Think your personality is too boring to attract a guy? Just pick out one of the tried and tested personalities of a female romantic comedy protagonist and you're good to go.

9. Guys are into girls who are smart. So make sure to include words like "photosynthesis" and "fascism" into your conversations. For example, "I hope fascism doesn't ruin the photosynthesis of this beautiful plant."

10. Make sure to not overdress.

11. But you need to stand out. So, don't underdress.

12. The best way to catch their attention is to show them that you're not like other girls. Which you are not since we're all made up of a unique set of genetic code. Except for identical twins. Sucks to be them.

Tasnim Odrika likes pineapple on pizza and is willing to fight anyone who opposes her on this. Reach her at odrika_02@yahoo.com