Write to Mita

Dear Mita:
I have this colleague of mine who is always talking about murder or suicide. If she sees any open space at a height, she exclaim what a wonderful suicide spot it would make. Except for her wary comments now and then about suicide methods and plans to murder random people, she otherwise appears normal. Do you think I should talk to her about seeing a psychiatrist?
A do-gooder

Dear do-gooder,
Before you talk about seeing a psychiatrist, why don't you discuss the issue with her frankly telling her that this sort of comments is odd to say the least and gives a negative impression about her. Try to understand where this is coming from. If she resists or is defensive then there is a need for a more serious intervention. Perhaps something is happening at home that you are not aware of. On the other hand if she is just joking she must be told that this is not cute at all!

Dear Mita,
I have a very strange problem. A few weeks ago, I cut my thumb. It wasn't anything serious, just a paper cut. At first I didn't think much about it and put a Band-Aid on it and forgot all about it. A few days after that the cut really started to hurt. When I took the band-aid off, I noticed it was all swollen and blue. This is unusual for a paper cut so I went to a doctor. The doctor seemed to think everything was fine and that I was stressing out for no reason. This upset me a lot because the cut was looking pretty bad. When I showed it to my parents, they didn't seem to think it was serious and gave me strange looks. They asked me if I was okay several times. It has been several weeks now and the cut is still bothering me. It looks worse every day and no one but me seems to notice. I can't sleep at night thinking about it but I have stopped seeing doctors and telling others because they think I'm strange. Why do you think that is? Please help me figure this out.
Paper Cut

Dear Paper Cut,
Please go and see another doctor, it might be infected and needs anti biotic. You know how some doctors are, they just brush people aside, have no time and often this leads to serious consequences. I honestly think you should go to another doctor who will be more sympathetic.

Dear Mita,
I have been reading your letters for a long time and I think you are brilliant. You give the best advice and I have wanted to write to you about my problem for a while but I just didn't have the courage to put it out there. I am a single woman, 36 years old and I have never been married. Living in this country, I was pressurised by everyone in my family to “settle down and start a family.” I was never really interested in marriage. It involves major changes in one's lifestyle and in my opinion, too many compromises. I like living alone and taking care of myself. I love my independence and I always have. Of late, I have wanted to adopt a child. I am financially stable and can afford to raise a child on my own. I would love to give a loving home to a needy child. However, everyone in my family is opposed to this idea and some even think it's scandalous for a single woman to adopt. All my friends have been discouraging me as well. They say the child will not have a normal childhood without a father and that people will make the child feel bad about the situation. I have not changed my mind. I know I want to do this, but this isn't about me. The child's welfare comes first. I would like your opinion on how a child can be affected psychologically in such a situation. Do you think what everyone is saying is right?
Hopeful

Dear Hopeful,
First, I admire your courage and conviction to lead an independent life on your terms. This is a brave thing to do in our society where there is so much pressure to follow the norm. however, I must say marriage can also be liberating and help one to grow but that is indeed rare. About adopting a child on your own, I have very good news for you. I know two women as independent minded as you who have adopted children. One has adopted two girls and the other one girl. Let me tell you that they are some of the most intelligent, well adjusted and stable children I have seen. They are adorable and can make any parent proud. Please don't hesitate and get swayed by what others say. They will eventually get used to it and start to love the children as others have. If you want I can link you up with these two wonderful mothers and highly professional women. Finally, thank you for liking my column, I need some encouragement also.

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