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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am in love with a man who is twice my age. I have worked for him for a year now and everyday, my feelings get stronger. The problem is, he is happily married with two children and doesn't have the time of the day for me unless it is work related. He doesn't know how I feel and this is killing me. Sometimes I even contemplate suicide because I know there is no way he will leave his wife and family for me. I haven't told anyone in fear that it will get back to him. Please tell me what I can do to stop myself from feeling this way.

Hopelessly in Love

Dear Hopeless,
I am sorry but I cannot help you. You are on a self-destructive course and unless you see this yourself, no one can help you. This is a purely one sided infatuation from your side and will only cause problems or destroy lives if you decide to pursue it. He is happily married with children, let him be, don't interfere with his life. My advise is to leave and find another job, hopefully if you don't see him slowly you will get over your feelings and eventually it will be in the past.

Dear Mita,
I have been married for 3 years now, and my husband suddenly wants a divorce. I say suddenly because it really did come out of the blue. As far as I am concerned, we have been happily married and were planning to have a baby. Things were just fine and then he comes home one day, seems upset and distant, and the next morning, he announces that he is moving out. He moved into his friend's apartment and a week later said he wanted a divorce. Our families and friends are shocked; noone seems to know the reason behind this. I have asked him for an explanation, but he doesn't seem interested in giving me one. He simply says he is unhappy and the marriage isn't working out for him. I don't know if he is having an affair, but I doubt it. I would have known. Please tell me how I can make him talk to me and change his mind. I am still very much in love with him.

Broken

Dear Broken,
There must be some reason for this sudden change in your husband. You have to find a way to talk to him. Take the help of a friend or relative who he trusts and respects. He must be made to understand that marriage is not a trivial thing that you can shrug off so easily. What about your in-laws, what is their position? Often, after the first few years disillusionment sets in and couples find out that perhaps they are not suited to one another. However, even that has indications from before. Your story is unusual or the signs were there and you did not see it. If you really love him then put in your best effort to win him back, use whatever means you have but somehow bring him to the table to discuss this in a sane and rational manner.

Dear Mita,
I am getting married to my boyfriend of 6 years next month. He has been wonderful to me all these years and I am thrilled to be finally tying the knot. However, it took a little bit of persuasion for him to agree to get married at this time. He kept saying he wasn't ready, but my parents insisted that people were gossiping about us and we should get married as soon as possible. After the initial hesitation he seemed to be fine with marrying me, he said that was the plan all along. But lately, he has been acting distant and stressed out and he snaps at me which is completely unlike him and I am beginning to worry. When I ask him what is wrong he simply denies acting strangely or changes the subject. What should I do?

Worried

Dear Worried,
This is certainly not a good sign and needs attention. There must be something that is bothering him and you must get to the bottom of it. Perhaps he is now feeling nervous about getting married. Many young men behave in this way, the idea of taking on such a big responsibility creates tension leading to such strange behavior You can talk to him about postponing the date of marriage till you settle matters. I know postponing wedding dates is a huge issue but it is more important that both of you are on the same level and intensity of wanting to be with each other. However, don't nag him too much, her will get defensive and that will not serve the purpose.