Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am a 25-year-old woman who has been in many relationships. Every time I used to get into a new relationship I hoped it would last and lead to something meaningful. However as the years passed I became more cynical and now I don't believe in love or even having a soulmate like I used to. My friends are getting engaged and married all around me, but I still haven't found anyone I want to settle down with. I don't trust anyone anymore. I can't even be in a new relationship with an optimistic mind because of all the bad luck/experiences I've had before. This really gets me down. Please tell me what I can do to change the way I feel.

- Lost

Dear Lost,
You are just suffering from lack of self esteem. Perhaps you made some wrong choices and went into relationships without thinking. Anyway, this is the not the end of the world. You are only 25 and have along way to go. You will certainly meet someone who will be able to trust. However, it is important to keep an open mind about people. As your common sense will tell you, all men are not insincere or selfish. You just have to hit the right combination. Most importantly, don't let this get you down, prince charming might be just around the corner.

Dear Mita,
Do you believe in ghosts? My grandmother passed away recently, and I was very close to her. I still sleep in the room I used to share with her and sometimes, I feel like she is there with me. I know this may sound strange but I had to wake up early one morning to catch a flight, and my alarm didn't go off. But exactly five minutes after the time I was hoping to wake up, I felt someone pushing me and I heard her voice asking me to get out of bed. Another time, I was feeling hot but was too lazy to get up and turn the fan on, and believe it or not, the fan turned on by itself. I know I sound crazy. My parents tell me I need to get help because I insist these things have happened. Do you think I'm losing my mind?

-Crazy

Dear Crazy,
Please stop calling yourself crazy. No I don't believe in ghosts and you should not also. What is happening to you is not that unusual. The sudden absence of a loved one creates such illusions which seems very real. Except the one about the fan, everything you have experienced may be true without the existence of a ghost. I don't think you need professional help, but you do need to talk with people who knew or were close to your grand mother. This will help to deal with her absence.

Dear Mita,
I am an 18-year-old girl who just started college. I had small pox when I was very young, and they left scars all over my face. I have never been attractive because of these pock marks, and have always been ashamed of them. My friends in school made fun of me when I was younger and now they just pity me because no one will ever find me attractive. They have all had boyfriends, but no boy will even look at me. I told my parents many times that I want cosmetic surgery, but they think it's too dangerous and too expensive. They tell me I'm beautiful the way I am and that our outer appearance does not matter as long as we are good people but I am old enough to know that is just not true. What should I do to change myself? Can you help?

-Scarred

Dear Scarred,
I am very sorry to hear about your situation. This is indeed a cruel world where physical beauty is given too much importance. You mother is partially right. It is important to have inner beauty and a pleasant personality but people do judge by the way we appear. I suggest that you take the help of a beautician. She will advise what you should do and then ; you can approach your parents. Often long skin treatment helps but I don't know the extent of your marks. Cosmetic surgery may be an option but you must seek medical advise on this.