Postscript

Thin People Have All the Fun

AASHA MEHREEN AMIN

According to television, Hollywood and Bollywood as well as advertisements for just about anything, whether it's cooking oil or cement, thin people are the only people who actually have fun. They are the only ones who are allowed to fall in love, are pursued by members of the opposite (sometimes same) sex and are generally the ideal candidates eligible for happiness and success. No wonder then that we are all so obsessed about our weight since only a tiny minority of the human race can confidently say that they are not heavier than they should be.

Obsession, unfortunately, does not necessarily lead to problem solving and most people who nag themselves and others to death, about 'how fat they have become' do precious little to do anything about it.

Others have troubled relationships with that torture machine called the treadmill. Like any doomed relationship it starts out rosy enough with that heady getting-to-know-you kind of stage where one tries out one's brand new exercise gear and gives total effort to appease the machine. After a short honeymoon period however, the charm of this contraption that takes you away from favourite TV shows, family gossip and blissful moments of being subconscious (read napping), begins to wear thin. The treadmill becomes the bane of one's life be it menacingly rooted in the verandah or among others of its kind in the gym. Needless to say, relationships with manual treadmills are far shorter than their sexier, digital counterparts but ultimately the outcome is the same. Even those in the fancy gyms become the unattractive, boring companion after the membership fee with the special discount has run out. In the last stages when one decides to give away the hated machine at home or not renew the health club membership, the treadmill has officially been transformed into something to be avoided - the dreadmill.

The end of this affair may lead to rebound binging on certain thinness-defying products such as gallons of ice-cream, pounds of chocolate and bushels of chips. Mirrors become dreaded objects except for those that make you look thinner than you are. A word of caution though regarding the latter: do not try to look at your side profile or look down at the real thing that's called your stomach.

The next stage in this weight-obsessed state is to fool yourself into doing certain things that you think will make you look thinner. This includes constantly wearing black or stripes until people start asking you if you belong to some Gothic cult or have come out of prison. Sucking in your stomach until you are almost fainting, while crossing the road, wearing gaudy jewellery to distract people's attention away from your body, pretending to be pregnant in front of strangers, wearing a few sizes larger than your own size to make it seem as if you have lost weight, are other strategies that may provide such optical illusions.

So what is one to do to become one of those lovely skinny people on TV? Health experts always say do what is doable that is, don't start something that's unrealistic. This means refraining from buying jeans and T shirts a few sizes smaller in the delusion that you will slide into them one day. It also entails not getting caught up into special diet plans that allow you to have only bananas or broccoli for two week's in a row. The predictable result of such extreme diets is often a few pounds lost during the diet, followed by psychotic thoughts followed by frenzied feeding on sweets and carbohydrates.

Coming to 'realistic' options the obvious one is to take a walk in the park or around the block every day or taking the stairs instead of the lift whenever possible.

For those who find physical exercise as pleasurable as getting their teeth pulled out, even a simple walk can be challenging. Again the first few days of enthusiasm, the adrenaline rush after a good brisk walk, a feeling of accomplishment as one reaches for the well-earned lemonade. Soon enough, however, the lure of the bed and snuggling comforter takes over and the charm of pulling one's reluctant body up to face the morning, has begun to fade. People with such Lazy Bones' attitude are incorrigible. The only thing you can suggest to them the next time they complain they are too fat is to shut up and go watch TV.