Write to Mita

Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am a 25-year-old girl about to complete my masters. I have been in a relationship with a boy for the past two years. Both he and I have graduated from a reputed university and he now works for one of the top multinational companies in the country. We both want to marry after my graduation, but my parents have raised objections to the match. They think his family comes from a lower class of society than ours and cannot match us in education or wealth. They want me to marry another man and I am simply appalled at the way they think. I am under a lot of pressure to comply with their wishes. I am the only child and have no one to talk to. Please tell me how I can persuade them to change their minds.
Disheartened

Dear Disheartened,
Please don't be too upset by all this. Parents do have the best interest of their children in their heart. However, sometimes they miss the point of what makes their children happy. If you remain determined, no one can force you to marry against your will. You are an adult and capable of taking your own decision. Try to find an uncle, aunt, cousin, anyone who will talk some sense into them. If that does not work then you will have to tell them very politely but firmly that you will not marry anyone else but the person you love. Believe me, they will get upset now but will eventually agree.

Dear Mita,
I am a 24-year-old woman about to get married to my father's friend's son. I was told a few years ago that my parents wanted me to marry this man and since I was not involved with anyone at the time and didn't want to disappoint them, I agreed to the match. However, lately people have told me some strange things about him. Ever since our engagement has been announced some of our mutual acquaintances have been quite uncomfortable. They said he has some “bad habits” but will not be more specific. When I raised my concerns with my parents they said they know him and his family well and our acquaintances are just jealous. I have a nagging feeling that they don't know something. How do I go about finding out more without raising their suspicions?
Worried

Dear Worried,
I hope you are not getting married without getting to know this person at all. The best way to find out is to meet him personally and get to know him. You should also interact with people he mixes with. It should not be too difficult to find out about a persons habits, who he hangs out with and his hobbies are. His colleagues should also be a good source. Please don't go into a marriage blindfolded. You have a right to get all the information before you finally tie the knot.

Dear Mita,
I have been in love with a colleague of mine for almost a year, but I don't have the courage to tell her. She is pretty and friendly and a genuinely nice person but she thinks of me only as a friend and coworker. I have seen her through one bad relationship and don't think I can bear to see her fall in love with someone else again. How do I confess my feelings to her? Will it be appropriate to do so considering we work together?
Sad

Dear Sad,
I don't know what you are sad about since you have not been rejected as yet. There is nothing unnatural or bad about falling in love with a colleague. However, the issue of office decorum must always be remembered. You should not act or behave in a way that this becomes obvious to others in the office. Your personal matters should be dealt with outside the office. Perhaps you should invite her for coffee and have a chat about your future, her plans etc. give her hints and see how she reacts and then tell her. Unless you do, she will never know. Another way could be approaching a mutual friend and asking for help.