Write to Mita

Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am a 15 year old girl and I have fallen in love with my brother's best friend. He is 19 and very good looking. I have seen him since I was a little girl, but it is only recently that he started talking to me seriously and not like he would talk to a child. I don't think he has any romantic feelings for me, he thinks of me as his own sister but I really hope that when he gets to know me better that will change. The only problem is, he has a girlfriend. They have only dated for six months but he seems to really like her. I think she is all wrong for him and she isn't even as pretty as I am. My friends think I should do something to break them up. Do you think that would be right? I think I love him more than she ever can.
In love

Dear In Love,
Don't you think a 19 -year-old friend of your brother is a bit old for you? It might be more fun to get friendly with boys closer to your age. This person is taking more interest in you because you are no longer a child, however this does not mean, as you have rightly understood, that he has romantic feelings for you. He might be seriously in love with his present girlfriend, please don't listen to your friends and try to break them up, this will never work. If she is not right for him then let him discover it himself. If you truly love him then grow up, study hard and become more deserving of his love.

Dear Mita,
I am 20 years old and am studying at a university in the US. I grew up in Bangladesh in a very conservative family and have never partied or been in a relationship. My friends here don't seem to understand me much. Their idea of fun is getting drunk on the weekends and partying and “hooking up” with boys. I refuse to go to any parties and suggest we watch a movie or just hang out and talk but they find that boring. I feel very lost here and cannot relate to anyone. Even the Bangladeshi girls in my college are nothing like me. The other day, they made fun of me because I told them I am still a virgin when they were discussing their sex lives. Sometimes I feel like I should change my ways so I can fit in better but the idea terrifies me. I feel more depressed every day. Should I ask my parents to take me back home?
Out of Place

Dear Out of Place,
It is not at all uncommon to feel out of place in a different environment. The way of life of your present friends is in conflict with the value system you have been brought up with. While there is a part of you which wants to be like your friends, I think changing your lifestyle for them is a drastic measure and one you may regret later. You should make an effort to find more serious friends. I find it hard to believe that in the entire campus you cannot find anyone who shares your values and will appreciate you for what you are. Returning home is a very serious decision and has to be taken very carefully. It will impact on your long term career and future. Discuss this with other friends, supporters and family members.

Dear Mita,
I recently got engaged to a girl I have been dating for some time now. I am really happy with her, but sometimes, I find myself looking at other pretty women around me and wondering what it would be like to be with them. I always feel really guilty afterwards, especially because my fiancée is very possessive and hates it when I think someone else is attractive. There is a very pretty girl at my office and sometimes we have lunch together in the office canteen but I never tell my fiancée because she will fight with me. I sometimes find myself flirting with this colleague of mine but it seems harmless when I do it but I feel guilty afterwards. Does all this mean I am not ready to get married?
Guilty

Dear Guilty,
There is nothing wrong in finding other women attractive as long as you know in your heart that your fiancée is the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with. However, I think there is a problem if you flirt too often and constantly look at other pretty women. You have to ask yourself some serious questions like which is of priority and what is most important for you. It might be fun to flirt once in a while or look at pretty women but how long can you continue doing that? At the end of the day, everyone needs a stable, loving, trusting partner to share life with. Some people take this decision early in life, others wait a while, When do you want to take this decision, the choice is up to you.