Write to Mita
Write to Mita
Dear Mita,
I have a strange problem. I am turning 32 this year and I am dying to get married and have children. I think I am a pretty good-looking woman, but even though many men have been interested to flirt with me and take me out, not one of them want to get serious. Infact, the last two men I was seeing both abruptly started seeing other women without even breaking up with me properly. One of them, who insisted he wasn't ready for a serious relationship actually dated someone else right after me and married her within a year! This is making me wonder if there is something seriously wrong with me. I haven't made very good decisions in the past and don't have the perfect reputation, but I feel like I have grown up since then and am ready to be taken seriously. I tried to ask these guys why they don't want a real relationship with me but they seem to avoid my question by telling me they find me “attractive,” but don't want anything serious “right now.” What do you think I should do about this?
Desperate
Dear Desperate,
Please don't get so desperate, but rather think and analyse what is it in your personality and makes it difficult to take you seriously. As you know our society is unforgiving in a sense with men making the rules. Perhaps your past is getting in the way of your future. You have to make a stronger effort to project what you are now and what you stand for. You should also take your career seriously and become an asset to your profession. This will enhance your self-confidence and boost your chances of getting respect from others. Finally, if nothing works why you don't ask your parents, friends, relatives to set you up. This way you can meet a whole range of men and make your choice.
Dear Mita,
I did something wrong and I don't know how to fix it. I have a very good friend who is dating a guy I liked for years. She knew I had a crush on him, but when he started showing interest in her, she couldn't resist and started seeing him. For many months, it made me sick to see them all lovey-dovey together, but I tried to be mature about it and remained her friend. I was almost beginning to think I was over him, when one day, after a party, when he was dropping me home after we had just dropped her off, he kissed me. We were both a little intoxicated, but I knew what I was doing. I felt all my old feelings for him rush back and I responded so passionately, we ended up in bed together. The next day he sent me a text apologising for what happened and begging me not to tell my friend. I was heart broken but I maintained my silence because I was ashamed of what had happened. Now, when he sees me he acts like nothing ever happened, even when we are alone. We never spoke about it but I am madly in love with him. His relationship with my friend seems to be even stronger after this incident and it kills me to see this. What should I do, Mita?
Heartbroken
Dear Heartbroken,
There is a saying “look before you leap,” it is as true now as it was before. If you do something, you must also be prepared to face the consequences. The mark of maturity is when faced with a difficult situation you take the right decision. You allowed yourself to be over taken by temporary emotion and put your dignity and self respect on the line thus experiencing feelings of guilt. The young man does not love you. He too allowed himself to be swept away in the situation and is now repentant. He loves your friend and wants to be with her and not with you. Please accept this and try to get over that single incident, it will only bring you pain if you don't. You should try and slowly detach yourself from this circle of friends and seek other friends and relationships. I know this will be very difficult but that is the only way. This is a bitter pill that you have to swallow, but if you succeed then life will become much easier.
