Cool Adda

The Adda: Any billiard centre

How to get there: Billiard centres are springing up like mushrooms nowadays. Just get to one.

What to do: Well, a billiard centre is a great place for an adda or any other social activity except a romantic candlelight dinner. You can spend hours inside a dark intoxicating billiard room if you know how to do so. First thing you can do is surely play pool. If you don't know how to play it, you can just go on trying. I suck at pool but my friends don't. So they don't take much time clearing up a board. If you're a God-forsaken novice like me, you could take up all eternity to clear it up. You can achieve two things by doing that: one is waste all the dumb free time you have thanks to your bunking classes; the other is driving the other customers waiting in line mad with frustration and impatience.

Playing pool or snooker is not the only thing you can do. While you're waiting for the next board to clear up, you can engage yourself in a typical high-quality Bangalee adda. The topics can be multifarious. You can talk about how Bangladesh has suddenly become real tigers from dumb alley cats, how Rashid Latif has proved he is a true Pakistani by cheating with that fake catch against Alok Kapali or how the irritating always-critical Navjot Singh Sidhu will be feeling after seeing Bangladesh play this way. You can also have a chat on how this acquaintance of yours got beaten up in a local ganjaam few days ago and he is rounding up his boro bhais and dadas to take revenge. One other great thing to chat about is the different modified "pool" terms you hear around you. For example, I've often heard "scratch" being pronounced as "skess".

Requirements: You've got to be in good terms with the in house mamu i.e. the guy who manages all the pool boards. This is to ensure that you can play and waste time in peace without other customers bugging you around. You may also need to be good at martial arts. If you pick a fight, there is a good chance that all the fighters may prefer to use the cues as weapons.

Pros: Great way to pass time. Also a nice thing to do while bunking classes.

Cons: Addiction to the game. Money may fly out of your pockets at the same speed with which water is flushed in and out of your lavatory pan.

By Hamdu Mia

Rising Soap

real-life drama in the office

Final Episode

Over the past few weeks (excepting the last two, of course), we've been bringing you the inside scoop on what goes on during the Saturday meetings at the Rising Stars office. Dear readers, together we've seen the RS members at their nutty best…with our hero Mood Dude and his negative vibes, our anti-hero Alex who makes waves with his controversial write-ups and equally thought-provoking fashion sense. We've had the in-house villain Mishel bring the comically sinister element into the office. Then there's always Hamdu Mia, the head honcho of hilarity, and his gazillion fans…sometimes teaming up with Solitary Sniper, the unwitting butt of all our jokes. We've had the two sister columnists Riyana and The Girl Next Door playing agony aunt and debate moderator, and TGND's 'bhabis', the twins Armeen and Afreen bringing in a fresh outlook on language with their 'fy' vocabulary (chapafy, marafy, addafy, etc.) We've seen our very own in-house critic, The Character Formerly Known As Boycott Babe (TCFKABB) at her boycotting best. There were guest appearances by Alien Angel, the Lizard King, Bonhomie, Wicked Sinner, Shahnaz Apa, Ishita, Ayesha and Nusrat, with our beloved Da Big Boss presiding over us all.

As with all dramas, the curtain must now fall over the Rising Soap, and our characters must come forward to bow out from the stage. Many of the players in the weekly drama that makes the RS what it is have gone to seek their own fortunes, and many new ones have joined the field. Hence, this wannabe playwright that has feebly tried to entertain you over the past couple of weeks must now wrap up her show. This final episode of the Rising Soap takes one last look at the team that used to be, and gives you a final sneak peek at what your favorite (?) members are up to:

The teen queen of problem solving, Riyana, is now somewhere in the Wild, wild West, dealing with her studies the same way she used to deal with everyone's problems…with 100% effort. The last we heard from her, she got herself a new look, and is now travelling through time and the closet with courses in Art History, and Fashion Designing. Who knows? Maybe sometime in the future, the RS will be sporting a column, "It's not your fashion crisis anymore".

Ladies, you can breathe easy…your favorite hero of hungama, Hamdu Mia, is still around, and still soaking up the attention. The last soap-worthy thing that happened to him is a fan letter from "The Problem Solver of Problem Solvers" which followed episode 7 of the Soap (where Hamdu's proposal for taking over Riyana's column got rejected). The letter goes something like:

"I don't believe DBB rejected you like that. I'm sure you are in shock after that. Never mind. She is bound to have her mind changed. Only you have to remember that "Shoja angule ghee uthe Na" (you can't lift ghee with a straight finger). You can threaten to resign from RS. If it doesn't bring her to her senses and she kicks you out even before you get the chance to hand her your resignation letter, please don't lose either your hope nor your head. Just walk out with a "You will be sorry" type of expression on your cute face 'cause little does she know that the main action (or rather reaction) is yet to start

"Your fans (especially the females) will start with a hunger strike followed by strikes, then fights to give others (RS crew) some tights. Streets will get flooded with your fans shouting slogans like "hero(?) Hamdu for the RSP (p for 'president')", "Want 2 have the famous trouble-maker as our perfect problem-solver" and other blah blahs.

"After all these chaos (sp? Kindly ask TGND) you will find yourself stepping into your office with your head buried in garlands, bearing the title of DMB (Da main boss...doesn't it sound more like DUMBO?)."

Darn…I wish I could come up with a plot like that! Anyway, the next person on the list, actually, the persons, are the A-twins…the 'fy' Bhabis have flown the coop as well, and are now happily settling into their dorms in Canada. Fie (or fy) on anyone who thinks they won't make it big there! The wizard of WWW, Alien Angel has also left, and I'm sure long-time fans of RS will miss him sorely.

TGND has been missing in action for a while, doing some hush-hush assignment for DBB. If you've missed her at all, which is highly unlikely, don't worry…she'll be back next week, monitoring your debates in print, and silently having heart-attacks over spelling and grammatical 'errors' only she can detect. Meanwhile, our hero, Mood Dude, and our Villain, Mishel, seem to have exchanged places. The former now sports a very bandit-like bush on his face, and is emitting more negative vibes than ever, while the latter occasionally displays lapses into niceness…what is the RS coming to?

While TCFKABB has been invisible for a while, a cameo character known as Soshma has been putting in regular appearances, and we at the RS are left wondering whether there's any connection. Speaking of connection, Wicked Sinner hasn't shown up since our popular message-board was axed. DBB, who's responsible for the axing, has taken on a new responsibility…if TGND is famous for her Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V, then our beloved editor should be lauded for her liberal use of the 'Delete'
button. Go figure!

Finally, there's the Solitary Sniper, who's enjoyed some peace since none of us have been picking on him much. The other bit-players who add color and life to your wacky teen magazine, are still around…some slip in and out quietly, like Bonhomie and Ishita, while others dazzle us with their brilliant smiles, like Nusrat. We've also got a huge new crew of reporters, most of whom I haven't even met yet.

So ends our eight-episode series that took you behind the scenes to show you what life in RS is all about. I hope this wannabe playwright has been able to entertain you; if not, rejoice! This is the end.

[Fanfare…exeunt all]

By: Sabrina F. Ahmad

Jokes

Shingles
A man walked into a Doctor's office. "What do you have?" the receptionist asked.
"Shingles," he replied.
She told him to sit down. Soon a nurse called him and asked, "What do you have?"
"Shingles," he replied.
She took his blood pressure, weight, and complete medical history. Then she took him to a room and told him to remove all of his clothes. After a few minutes the Doctor came in and asked, "What do you have?"
"Shingles," the man told him.
The Doctor looked him up and down and said, "Where?"
"Out on the truck. Where do you want me to unload them?

Chemistry Lesson
A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe the worms closely," said the teacher putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the teacher asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits at the back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

Sneaky Lawyer
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: 'My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.'
'Well put, ' the judge replied. 'Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.'
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

Polish student
A Polish student was in his college campus bookstore. Questioning the store clerk about a book for one of his classes, the clerk responded, "This book will do half the
job for you." "Good," the Polack replied, "I'll take two."