The Dhakaiya movies and us

Entertainment - one very important factor in our every-day lives. Well, what I'm trying to mean here is that 'entertainment' is one factor which should not be absent from our minds, given the fact that our thought-process is jam-packed with our busy schedules.

We have quite a few number of entertainment facilities here in Dhaka - starting from watching televisions to going to clubs. But the list is definitely limited!! The television is an 'essential meal of mind' in our day-to-day life. And I guess that's it; that about it. Nothing more.

Once upon a time there used to be so many things to entertain oneself - roaming around in parks, flying kites in the blue sky and the most fascinating and exciting one - going to the CINEMA. Yup, the word 'cinema hall' seems to have disappeared from our entertainment vocabulary. Except for the stories, books etc., I really grieve to say that in our country (large middle+upper class) majority of the population do not go to cinema halls or even don't know what cinema halls are like these days.

Of course, there are movies being made. But they are more like wasting one's valuable time to watch a movie and bear the insolence of a bunch of uncivilised people (?!) at the hall. Just the other day, my parents suddenly told me to get ready as we were to go to a cinema hall (Garrison cinema hall inside the Dhaka Cantonment) to watch a Bengali movie. First, I thought it would be something like "Matir Moyna" or "Srabon Megher Diney" but the moment I heard it was "moner majhey tumi", I was absolutely dumped! I was like "ammu are u OK? are we gonna watch "Moner Majhey Tumi" by Riaz and Purnima? No way, I aint going there, sorry!" But later I went. It was a watchable movie than what I saw on TV. But, I hate to say it, but I simply HATED the crowd. During the national anthem, not a single person stood up except for the members of my family. I couldn't believe it! My parents always taught me to stand up to show respect when the national flag is being shown along with national anthem being played. Then, oh my god, the screaming and shoutings - they belonged in the jungle. I swear! One of my cousins, Sayeed, doesn't even know what a cinema hall is. He has a DVD player in house and watches movies on them. The other day I asked him: "Sayeed, do know what a cinema hall looks like?" He replied: "Uummm, appi, what is a hall?" So then I described a cinema hall to him and he was quite fascinated at thinking about such a gigantic 'TV' and such a big 'drawing-room' with sooo many seats. And he also asked me whether people would try to steal things in the darkness or kidnap children. I felt pity for him. Actually there many like him. And its actually not their fault. I blame the entire thing on the faltu and uninteresting Bangladeshi directors and producers. What do they think of themselves?

Just because you are not creative enough (or shall we say less educated?) doesn't mean that you can produce any type of movie you want to. I don't have enough IQ to think of a good script so I can sit down to watch a Hindi movie scribbling on a paper and the very next day start shooting!!

Plus, you bring onto screen, actresses as though they nothing but a "aloor bosta"! Huh, when will Bangalees ever learn?

By Armeen Kabir

Have you ever tried hanging out with groups or crowds other than your own? Or which is not your type? It might actually be pretty interesting! Of late, I have tried listening to bits and pieces of conversation amongst various types of crowds. I would like to share a few.

The Girls:
Girl 1: Ooh! New kameez!
Girl 2: That hairstyle really suits you!
Girl 3: I love your kameez! Where did you buy the piece from?
Girl 4: This one? Chandni Chawk.
Girl 5: You look so pretty! I wish I could do my eyes the way you do them!
Girl 4: Do you use a pencil? Or liquid?
Girl 5: Pencil.
Girl 4: I use the liquid. I can't use a pencil!
Girl 2: Oh! Guess what? I made this new kameez and it is so cool! The bottom is slanted and there are slits here and…
Girl 3: Like the one Karina wears in…
Girl 2: Ew! I hate Karina!
Girl 1: But did you see her new movie?
Girl 6: And that kameez she wearing in that dance?
Girl 2, 3, 4: Oooohh!
Girl 3: You have to admit that she was looking pretty in that scene.
Girl 5: And her make-up…

The Sports Freaks:
Boy 1: Did you see his goal?
Boy 2: Brilliant!
Boy 3: And what on earth did your Denison (I just made this name up. I forgot the person they were talking about. And since I myself am not much into sports…) think he wasdoing?
Boy 4: Oh! That was just a minor mistake!
Boy 3: You call that minor?
Boy 4: Look! He is always good, isn't he? That was just…
Boy 2, 3: Good? Please!
Boy 5: He's such a loser!
Boy 1: Did you see the brilliant beyond brilliant save the goalie made?
Boy 3: Yeah, and…

The Nerds:
Girl 1: Did you solve the examination style paper at the end of the book?
Boy 1: Yeah.
Girl 1: And could you do all of them?
Boy 1: Umm… yeah.
Girl 1: Nerd!
Boy 1: Look who's talking!
Girl 2: How was your Physics test?
Girl1, Boy 1: It was really easy.
Girl 2: My one was so bad! I left out 2 marks! Can you imagine?
Girl 3: 2 marks! Oh my god!
Girl 2: (To Boy 1) What is that paper in your hand? Let me see. Oh God! A PPQ chart?
Boy 1: Oh! I had nothing to do! So I just… made this.
Girl 1: What's a PPQ chart?
Girl 2: A chart showing what topic each question of the past examinations were on…

The Socrates' and Platos:
Boy 1: I am saying that happiness is the absence of misery.
Boy 2: Yeah, maybe.
Boy 1: And you need to feel sadness or misery in order to know what happiness is like.
Boy 2: No. I don't agree.
Boy 1: How would you know how happiness feels like unless you have felt sadness?
Boy 2: Then how would you know what sadness feels like in the first place?
Boy 1: Since…
(I really did not want to listen to the rest of the conversation).

The Corny Jokers:
Boy 1: Did you hear that meat joke?
Boy 2: No.
Boy 1: Ok. Listen to this! What did the baby meat tell the mother meat?
Boy 2: Mom, eat?
Boy 1: No. Ki ma?
Boy 2: Ha ha ha! That's so stupid!
Boy 3: How about this? Who invented the first unsuccessful airplanes?
Boy 1: Who?
Boy 3: The Wrong brothers!
Boy 4: And what did the monsters learn in school?
Boy 2: What?
Boy 4: Spook when you are spoken to!
Boy 2: How about this? What…

The Lovesick:
Boy 1: Look at her! Man! She is so hot!
Boy 2: But she's booked!
Boy 1: Why does this always happen to me?
Girl 1: Sad!
Boy 1: What is this rumour I'm hearing about that weird guy with all the hair, and you?
Girl 1: God! Nothing! Why does everyone ask me the same question?
Boy 1: Then you must have something going…
Boy 3: Hey girls! Look at this guy! Isn't he cute?
Girl 2: Why don't you go after him?
Boy 3: I was just trying to be helpful!
(Red car with blaring music zooms past)
Girl 1, Girl 2: Did you see him? Did you see him? …

The Gossip Mongers:
Girl 1: I can no longer keep this inside without telling someone!
Girl 2: What?
Girl 1: Boy 1 and Girl 3 broke up!
Girl 2: You are kidding me!
Girl 1: And there is more! Boy 1 is now going out with girl 4!
Girl 2: I don't believe this! Weren't they supposed to 'last forever?'
Girl 1: I think boy 1 is just using girl 4 to make girl 3 jealous. This is just a thought! Don't spread it!
Girl 2: Let me tell you something I got to know…

The Ones with Complicated Lives (!):
Girl 1: I can't believe this! Boy 2 is talking to boy 1!
Girl 2: So?
Girl 1: I emailed boy 2 yesterday, saying that I loved him forever.
Girl 2: Why did you do that? When everyone knows you have a crush on boy 1 now, and not boy 2?
Girl 1: But I still like boy 2!
Girl 2: What? Then what about boy 1?
Girl 1: I like Boy 1 more than I love boy 2!
Girl 2: Oh! So you like boy 1 and love boy 2, but your liking is more than your loving?
Girl 1: Yeah. Oof! Why doesn't boy 1 ask me out? Why doesn't he ask me out? Oh! My loneliness is killing me… AAAIIIIII!!!! Who drew me on the desk? And wrote all this crap?
Girl 2: Who else? The person you are singing for?
Girl 1: Nooo! He couldn't have…
(Would you really want to listen to more?)

By Marwa

1. Shove a raisin in the opening of a tube of toothpaste so that it will take some effort to squeeze then... POP. Out comes a nice stream of toothpaste, hopefully on victim's clothes.

2. Some of the least elaborate practical jokes are the most effective. Go with a couple of friends, stand near some busy street corner, and take a great interest in some point near the top of a tall building, or maybe just up in the sky. Watch the reactions of people around you.

3. How to get rid of telephone solicitors and other people you don't want to talk to: Say "Hold on one minute while I turn off the stove" (or your favourite appliance), and then leave them hanging. For added fun, time them to see how long they take to hang up, and you can keep a record of who takes the longest.
4. Leave old science or chemistry books around bus stops and other public places. Write inside the front cover: Property of <*****>. I need this book for my thesis. If found, please return to <address> for Tk. 500 reward.

5. This one's actually a *harmless* practical joke. My favourite telephone gag is to call someone at random, and with an official tone rattle off this warning before they can interrupt: "This is the telephone company calling. There is some trouble with your line. Please do not answer any calls for the next five minutes or the person on the other line may be electrocuted. Thank you." Hang up, and wait about two minutes. Call them back. When they answer, just scream "AAAAARGH!" and hang up.

By Shafey

Girlfriend: "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend: "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday"

Teacher: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?" Pupil: "The moon". Teacher: "Why?"
Pupil: "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it"
. Teacher: "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"

Pupil: "A teacher".

Waiter: "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer: "What other colours do you have?"

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

--------------------------------------------------------

He Brews?

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . . . . . . .
"HEBREWS"

By Suravi