What kind of a KID are you?

1. Your parents ask you to clean your room, which resembles a pig sty. You:
Argue about how they have no right to say how your room should be. (3)
Ignore them. You'll clean when you're in the mood. (2)
Stay up late night and clean all the junk. (1)
2. There's an invitation tonight to your least favourite aunt's house. You:
Pretend to fall sick. (3)
Say you have a lot of homework and turn on Just Shoot Me as soon as they leave. (2)
Grit your teeth and painfully fake a smile as your aunt criticises your haircut at dinner. (1)
3. Some relatives are coming over to stay at your house for a weekend, so you have to give up your room. You:
Yell at your folks, "They can sleep in the living room" and slam the door. (3)
Say that you have an important mock on Sunday_ so you need to study in your room. (2)
Groan, whine and give up. (1)
4. Your folks don't like your new friend circle. You:
Scream at them and blame them of trying to rob you off your individuality and freedom of choice. (3)
Listen to what they have to say quietly and then sneak out with your friends to go to the concert. (2)
Lock yourself up in your room and cry about your miserable life. (1)
5. Your mum comes into your room and says she knows that you have a bf/gf. You
Ask her "Which one?" (3)
Charm her into believing that the girl/boy she's talking about is actually your best friend's bf/gf. (2)
Get scared, start stammering and want to die. (1)
6. Your grades didn't turn out to be as expected. You:
Fake your parent's signature and submit the report card. No point in spoiling your parents' moods. (3)
Help around the house all day and at night show them the grades. (2)
Hide the report card somewhere they're most likely to find. (1)
7. You hate the embarrassing gifts your grandma gives you for your birthday. You say:
"Uh…couldn't you, you know, uh… hint her to give me … money the next time, mum?" (3)
Say "I love it!" and then lock it inside your cupboard where nobody can ever see it. (2)
You don't find anything embarrassing about getting a Barbie doll or G-I-Joe castle for your sixteenth birthday. (1)
8. You've been asked to turn the volume down to your favourite song. You:
Put your headphones on and listen to it really loud. (2)
Slam the door loud enough to wake up the entire floor and then lower the volume by half a notch. (3)
Put the CD player off. (1)
9. You need a bigger allowance to put you through the week. You:
State all your friends' names whose parents own a Mercedes and claim that you deserve a few bucks more a month to compensate for your Toyota. (3)
Look for a job instead of asking for more money. It'll be a good excuse to get out of the house. (2)
Go straight to the point and ask them for some more money. (1)
10. Your parents will not let you get your ear pierced/ hair dyed/ body tattooed. You:
Do it anyway and tell your parents it was your friends' idea of a joke when you fell asleep. (3)
Get it done but don't wear the earring or wear a cap or do the tattoo somewhere they won't see. (2)
Forget all about it. Ear piercing would hurt anyway. (1)
SCORES:
21 or more: You're the ultimate rebel. Your parents might scream at you but they also dread what you'll do next. You might not be on the best terms with your parents and this could be affecting your mood, studies and other things. While it's good to have the guts to stand up for yourself, remember, that sometimes being tactful can help you in the long run.
13 - 21: You are as cool as a cucumber. You will make the diplomats jealous. You're inventive and charming and you know how to get things done your way without awakening your parents' wrath. Your presence of mind can really help you succeed in life.
12 or less: You make parenthood as easy as 1 + 1 addition. Your extreme obedience causes your friends' parents to use you as an example when scolding their kids. However, you run the risk of being labelled as "Mama's boy" or "Miss Goody Two Shoes". While it's really good of you to be… Err… So good, remember it's not really wrong to have things your way sometimes. Be a little bolder and you'll be just fine.

By Maliha Bassam

Thought of the week:
"Consistency is the last resort of the unimaginative."
~ Oscar Wilde ~

What a lot of rain we've been having! As much as I enjoy it, I so hate it when the mornings are dark and cool, and I have to wake up early to go to university when all I really want is to burrow deeper under the covers.

Anyway, I've been babbling a lot about our "Fiction of the Month" contest, which closes on July 1, and the results come out on July 8. Today, I'd like to take some time and explain the way it works.

We have a panel of four judges, who will be reading each piece and rating it. There are a couple of criteria that we'll be looking at, and these are:

Content: Is the plot original? Is the story interesting?
Language: Are there a lot of spelling/grammatical errors? Does the author use slang?
Readability: Is the story easy to understand? Or is the flowery vocabulary, and/or convolutions in the plot too complex to follow?
Characterisation: Are the characters easy to relate to?
Setting: How good is the author at creating an atmosphere.

Sounds easy? You'll have to fulfill all the conditions within 800 words. If you think you can manage it, then you've really got nothing to worry about. The ratings for all the criteria are combined into a final score, and an average score from all the results sent in by all the judges is calculated, and then the winner is selected.

So mail in your entries to dsrising@gononet.com or to me, and best of luck to all entrants. As you know, the winning entry gets published, and the author gets to work for RS for a month. So I'll be looking forward to a new colleague. Till our next tete-a-tete, take care and have a great weekend!

Send your polls, opinions, and queries to thegirlnextdoor1@hotmail.com
By The Girl Next Door

Hey People!
First of all, I would like to apologize to those people, whose "Father's Day" messages did not get printed in the last issue. The reason for this was the fact that these messages were sent too late. I am afraid I did not make this very clear before, so allow me to tell all the reader's now. All messages must be sent in a week before the issue is supposed to come out, or else the message will not get printed. Since these are for your fathers, I decided to print these messages, but in future, if the messages do not come in a week beforehand, then the messages will not be printed anymore, because we do not like to print back dated messages. I am truly very sorry if our rules seem to be slightly harsh, but rules are rules right? I hope I am not offending any of my readers, and I repeat my apologies for those people, whose messages were not printed in the Father's Day issue. And now, on with this week's issue…

Dearest Abbu-the greatest,
Last year on father's day, we could not commemorate because I was laid up although you fetched a nice and yummy cake. But you could not take me out for the treat you had promised. Well...for your kind information, I would not let you sit idle or make any excuses this year and you will have to take all of us for a treat. Happy father's day to my dear Abbu. May you live long.
Asif.

Dear Daddy,
Belated but Happy Father's Day. You are the greatest Dad. Thanks for the freedom you give me. And thanks for being my mind reader.
Your childish daughter
Lopa

Daddu,
You have been very angry with me from last couple of days as because you think I love mom more than you, which is not factual. I love u as much I love mom. You both are special to me. And what is a better day to say this than Father's Day. I love you dad.
From your one and only daughter in the entire universe
Mobashra

For an all-star Super Dad Lt-Col(Retd) Aziz Ahmad:
Happy Father's Day, Papa!
BSF

Dear Papa,
Thank you so much for being the most wonderful father a girl could ever wish for and supporting me through all the joys & struggles in my life. I love you and wish you a Happy Father's Day.
Shayera

By Crucified and Slayer

Write to Pintu

Does life really suck? Do you need someone to hold your hand as you walk down a long, hard, trying path of sadness, misery and despair? Well, don't rely on Pintu, because he doesn't want to touch your miserable, smelly, dirty hands. You're better off trying to walk across a tightrope suspended over a fiery pit, wearing pants made out of lead.

If you enjoy feeling bad about your existence, WRITE TO PINTU.
It's been a long break. But Pintu's back. And he still thinks you're worthless. So keep on sending in your problems to be mocked and ridiculed. You can use that internet abomination, also: pintu_rising@hotmail.com

Dear Pintu,
I am gretest poetical man. I writing beautifulistic poetrics in the Quinn's Engliish, and have sent many of my poetricalistic creashuns to get publishing. Yet, no books of my writing, in which one may find many poetrics, has become publishered. I suspect corrupt practices of the publishing personals, and wish to raise hue and cry as to the state of our nation and the corruptivity within. What action I can take, you tell to me?

For your enjoy, I will also enclose a mystical haiku of my own composition. You will love, because I am artist, and you will think, "how he is yet unpublished, except there is corruption in publishing office building?" :
Thirsty, man, he says
"Give drinking material"
Ei mon chae je more.
- The Poeticalist

Dear Poeticalist,
Yes, indeed, it must be the corruption that's preventing you from getting published. The corruption of the nerve connections in your brain. Your poem demonstrates to me all the literary talent you possess. Which amounts to, let's see, none whatsoever. I have seen more talent ooze out of a small child's bicycle tyre. I have seen open manhole in the street stink less than you. A cross-eyed dyslexic orangutan could probably write better poetry. It could probably string together a nicer letter too. My advice to you is to try and find a new brain.

Dear Pintu,
I am a twelve-year-old girl and I'm certain I have met the ultimate love of my life. He is thirty-six years old and very handsome. I cannot imagine my life without anyone else. Yet, he does not seem to take much of an interest in me. Whenever I see him I wear my best make-up and put on my sweetest smelling perfume. He does not seem to notice, although once when I put on my sweet-smelling perfume, he said "Do you smell something? I'd better open a window…". Yet, this tiny amount of attention is not enough. I'm twelve, and I can't wait for the rest of my life.
- Luvr Grl

Dear LG,
Of course you can't just wait around forever for this man. After all, you are at that crucial age of thirteen. Obviously you know he's the one for you, because you're thirteen. And he must be dumb to not take notice of you. You are thirteen, after all. Perhaps your approach is completely wrong. Find out what he likes, like the Stock Market, and read the Financial Times. Try ditching perfume. Use sewer water instead. He'll notice, trust me. I do have on question, though. Did you fail KG2 math? 12 x 3 = 36, idiot "grl". Now go and play with some dollies, read Mills and Boon, write greetings cards for Hallmark, or whatever it is you people do.

Dear Pintu,
I eloped recently with a girl who my parents wouldn't accept. When my parents said no, tears blinded my eyes. I went to my lovers house and told her to marry me, that we must run away together and live happily forever. We went to the kazi office that night, and were man and wife. Remember, I was blinded by tears. The next morning I saw that in my blindness, I had just eloped with Morjina Banu, who lives next door to the girl I thought I would elope with. Morjina is better known in her neighbourhood as "Pagli". She is elated that someone has decided to marry her. Meanwhile, my sweet Shonamoni is angry with me. I now am stuck with the wrong wife, am also estranged from my family, and the woman I love has decided that perhaps she never really loved me that much and has started dating Boltu, my archrival. Morjina's father meanwhile, is searching for me to beat me up. Please, advise.
- Hitch Hiker

Dear HH,
I have thought long and hard about your problem. I have used meditation and a thorough re-reading of psychological literature to aid me, and every time, I come to the same conclusion. That conclusion is this: your problem is extremely funny. Hilarious. Each time I read your letter, it gets better and better. I cannot stop from bursting out in peals of uncontrollable laughter. I'm certain you don't find your predicament funny, but at least you make countless others titter in amusement. As for what you can do. Work. Hard. A lot. You will need that money. First, buy dark glasses, fake eyebrows and a big, bushy, fake moustache and a black suit. Wear these. Eventually Morjina will wonder who the strange hairy man in black around the house is. This is where it gets ingenious. Tell her that you are an agent with Bangladeshi Intelligence, and that her husband has been kidnapped by aliens. I assume as she's called "Pagli" no one will believe her. Her father will also not recognize you, as long as you don't get within kissing distance. With the same disguise, go to Boltu and tell him that Intelligence has learned his life is in danger. As I said, keep saving money, you'll need to get out of the country when all these people will want to skin you alive.