The week in re(ar)view
Bringing you the worst of human nature

Eid equals license to speed
Instead of ripping off other peoples news reports we decided to do something of our own. Something original. With that in mind we walked the entire 20 feet around a corner of the house we were in and entered a fast food shop facing Satmasjid Road. We sat chewing our burgers hoping for news to happen and it did. Three cars went zooming past. All of them garden variety Toyotas with loud exhausts and loud mouthed kids. A few minutes later a posse of 10-12 poser bikes went by. By poser we mean low powered over styled Chinese bikes wanting to be Harleys when they grow up. The only 'real' bike in the gang was a black Honda Rebel. Cool.

Few minutes later another troupe of sports cars went by. This time these were proper cars each costing at least 30 lakhs and boasting a minimum of 150 bhp. In all this time everyone made wild swerves and whatnot. They burned some rubber and blasted some eardrums with deep bass lines coming from the huge sub woofers. This impromptu racing continued all day and late into the night. We on the other hand continued eating. This was eid. Did we get original news? Umm, no! Do we care that you don't care? Umm, no!

Speed bumps required on the flyover
All this speeding had to have some effect. Late into the eid night we heard news of an off roader going off the road in a bizarre manner. A speeding SUV took the Mohakhali flyover at speeds not suitable for big bulky unwieldy SUVs. Whoever was driving lost control and flipped onto a motorbike. Naturally, people died. Moral of the story is that this is another reason motorbikes are unsafe. They cannot withstand heavy SUVs landing on top.

Natural morbidity
Of course, whoever was told about the accident on the flyover invariably ended up asking “Did the car jump off the flyover?” When we answered in the negative the resultant expression was a dissatisfied “Oh”.

Human beings are morbid by nature but we didn't expect so much. After getting the same reply form the fifth person we started counting. The count stands at 37 so far. Everyone expects that the SUV should have fallen off in a spectacular Fall Guy manner possibly with flames trailing. We guess when an accident happens on a flyover people expect cars to fly OVER.

Packaging courses
On a different note on October 2 RAB recovered a lot of explosives in Rajshahi belonging to JMB(you should know by now it's the Bangla Bhai Syndicate of liberating mankind from planet earth). It was sent through courier service and was crudely wrapped in layers of brown packaging tape. They forgot to put the stickers of 'Fragile', 'Flammable', Explosive', 'Handle with Care' and 'Top Secret' on the packages. No wonder they got caught.

Our Resident Conspiracy Theorist says that maybe they just wanted to blow up the post office this time. That way Bush can bring in western mail delivery services such as DHL, FedEx and UPS into Bangladesh as a gesture of aid. Then they can check all our mail. Then they can find Al-Qaeda links and blow up Bangladesh.

By Gokhra and Mood Dude

RS Mailbox

Here's proving that one mans meat is another's poison
Dear RS,
I know this is kind of late, but this is in response to the article 'Poets and Idiots' by Rezwan, printed in the 20th October issue.
I must say that the writer was extremely rude in his article. His very first line 'Poets are idiots...' give us a negative impression of him.
He calls poetry writing a 'wasteful hobby'. On the contrary, I believe that it is an excellent hobby. Writing poems makes you think deeper and encourages your literary creativity.
Poets look at the world through different eyes. They inspire us with their imaginative thoughts. Reading poems give us a break from the monotony of daily life. The sometimes unusual opinions of poets make us look up and think. Apart from that, poets are also contributing to the field of literature. Now would you call that a 'wasteful hobby'?
Just because the writer cannot comprehend good cultured poetry does not mean that poets are idiots. Everyone who falls in love does not necessarily want to become Shakespeare. And even if they do, what's the harm in it? It's good to know that at least some people have an interest in literature.
And about the lack of happiness in modern-day poetry, well, not all poems are like that and I suggest that the writer looked at a few examples of modern poetry before forming an opinion.(and that does not mean poems written by your friends)
Poetry is a beautiful thing- verses which come straight from the heart. If people cannot interpret it as such, it will, no doubt, sound like a pile of rubbish.
In the end it all comes down to how the poem is interpreted and I highly recommend the writer to take a good look into the world of poetry before forming any one-sided opinions.
Sami

Hi Rezwan,
Your article on Poets and Idiots was a great article. Hmm....you were right. POETS ARE REALLY IDIOTS. They've done lots of idiotic things and for that we innocent people are suffering. I asked lots of people why they like poems and they answered they like poems because these help a person to know what's good and what's bad, it helps them to figure out their bad sides and also helps them to become a mature person.... blah, blah...sheesh! Pathetic! I mean, are they trying to say that a poem can do what my parents couldn't do for the last 16 years? That's the joke of the year. I must thank you for writing an awesome article.
Yours truly,
Rayna

Untold Ending of A True Love
It was a wonderful evening of July
Happy birds were returning home
Showered the twilight down while they fly
A chill wind blew over me
I need to stay warm
I need someone to be with me
I opened my eyes; looked around
My eyes found only you.
Again I closed my eyes and felt.........
Someone very close to me...its you.
Flowers bloom to give away the scent
Fireflies and stars come to change this lonesome environment.
If you were here, right beside me
A lot many things to say to...
>From eyes to eyes, never ending staring
A lot many things to hide from you.
I'm staying quiet today; it's all in your hand
If you want to create a new way
You wanna go? Left me here alone
To sweep away on a wave of emotion
Say something; at least hurt me, tease me,
To make my cry an ocean.
I can't get you off my head
All the colors of my mind are fed.
I was the seashore, you were my ocean
My hopes and dreams are washed away
They are washed by the rain of emotion.

Love crime
My fragile heart was broken before
I don't think it could be mend again.
Now that you've left me....
I'm completely alone;
Everyone walked away...........
Only sorrows remain.
Sorrow is like storm; your love is like rain
Surprisingly both creates a perfect disaster
Once it was that what my heart had to face.
Now only sorrow is here
(With me) Strongly strain
Your love has torn me apart....
Far, far away to regain.
What is my guilt?
That hurts me throughout my life?
Seems like nobody can turn it around
But such insane time............
Yeah! I found my answer
To love you with all my heart
Is my life long crime !!

By - A.M. Peu

Job ads
what they say and what they means

Work processing skills essential : There's a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future
Salary range $24,000- $32,000 :The salary is $24,000
Civil service: This job was filled from the inside six months ago
Women and minorities encouraged : White males need not waste the stamp to apply
Top-notch communications skills : Telemarketing
Salary negotiable: We'll take the lowest bidder
Advancement opportunity : Crappy job
Entry level: Really a crappy job
No experience necessary : The mother of all crap jobs
Administrative assistant: Crap job with a title.
Ground floor opportunity: Crap job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year.
Progressive company: Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday.
Team player: Must deal with dangerously territorial co-workers with rabid personalities.
Upbeat personality: Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug & alcohol rehab benefit within the first year.
Public relations: Receptionist
Professional appearance important: $20K/yr job that requires a $100K/yr wardrobe
Pleasant telephone manner: Be the voice of 1-900-HOT-TIME
Jeans job! :Minimum wage temp job in concentration camp conditions.

Will train: Prior conviction of a felony or two no problem.
B.A. required, master's preferred: Must be an M.A. willing to work on a B.A.'s salary
Outstanding benefits package: Health insurance.
Tons of variety! - We took all the heinous tasks no other employee would do & rolled them into one job.
Beautiful offices in attractive location: Brand new ticky-tacky windowless building where the picture frames all match the carpeting.
Secretary: Woman-only job with the responsibilities of management & wages of a migrant worker.
Executive secretary: The most powerful position in the company
Dedicated: You're looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week from now until we force you into early retirement.
Salary commensurate: We'll pay you whatever the hell we feel like.
Competitive salary: We'll pay you up to 10% more than your last job and not one penny more.
Competitive starting salary: Ten cents above minimum wage.
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Professional atmosphere: Zombie pod people.
Fun, creative atmosphere: Pod people from hell.
Dynamic atmosphere: Zombie pod people from hell.
Gal Friday: Anyone who actually applies for this job deserves it.
Self-starter: Open to very broad interpretation since no one really knows what.