The week in re(ar)view
Die fish, die

Close encounters with the fishy kind
Before, it used to be guest birds who suffered indignities at the hands of our local people. Now aquatic creatures are fast becoming a target. In the last couple of months several whale sharks have been caught, slaughtered and posed with for pictures. A January 29 pictorial showed a man carrying a stingray on a rickshaw van and announcing his catch with a mic. It was huge. It was also very dead. Of course some fish have been known to strike back. 2 people died and 10 fell ill after eating a poisonous puffer fish on the night of 23 January in South Gohira in Anwara Upazilla. When we interviewed one of the fishes they jubilantly replied, 'Strike one for the fishy kind.'

Fishes and electricity
On January 4 two people were killed in Kansat bazaar of Chapainawabganj because the police opened fire on them. Why? Because they laid siege to the Kansat Palli Bidyut Samity (electricity board) and demanded uninterrupted power supply as well as lower meter rates. That same demonstration continued into 23 January when seven people were killed and over 100 injured. They were demanding the release of three leaders of the local subscribers who were arrested presumably for protesting too much.

What we should do is capturing all those stingrays and whole bunch of electric eels and hook them up to the power lines.

Fans of X-Files
Deny everything was a catchy catchphrase from the hit series X Files. Guess who has been watching reruns? You see, the government is denying that there is any such fuel crisis as reported on 29 January. This is despite the fact that people in the northern districts are NOT dying from road accidents as they cannot drive their vehicles recklessly.

Everybody is charged
Cell phones with TNT connections mean someone will call you and not want to hang up. Maybe that pain will ease a little bit as BTTB plans to charge 1.5 taka per minute to all cell phones as reported on 21January.

CSI Bangladesh
All violent people like to have trademark moves. The Irish shot out the knee caps, the Mafia blasted people with sawn off shotguns, Samurai sliced heads off their victims and sharks bite off limbs accompanied by eerie tung-dhung, tung-dhung, tung-dhung music. Everyone has a style to their brutality and cutting tendons seems to be a Bangladeshi Shibir political party member tendency. On 27 January, tendons of hands and legs of a Jubo Dal leader were cut by Shibir activists, allegedly. If CSI filmed any episode in Bangladesh they would be sure to add this to the script.

The real CSI Bangladesh
January 24, first DNA lab starts at Dhaka Medical College and Hospital. This is actually a good thing if they can leave the bureaucracy and the middlemen out of this. It would help a lot rape victims identify their assailants. Further developments would enable many crimes to be solved or at least prevent the wrong person from going to prison. It's a big step forward hopefully without the bigger step backward. And let this be the silver lining in this week's cloudy rearview.

By Gokhra and Mood Dude

Guaranteed groaners

I was shopping with my roommate, and I saw a humorous button that said, "It might look like I'm doing nothing, but on a cellular level, I'm quite busy."

I showed it to her, and her response was, "Oh, I should buy that one, I'm always talking on mine."

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

A man is lost in the desert. He used up the last of his water three days ago and he's lying, gasping, on the sand, when in the distance he suddenly hears a voice calling "Mush! Mush!"
Not trusting his ears he turns his head and there it is again, closer this time -- "Mush! Mush!"

Propping himself up on one elbow he squints against the sun and sees, of all things, an Eskimo in a fur coat driving a sled with a team of huskies across the dunes. Thinking that it's a hallucination, he blinks and shakes his head, but it's for real! He painfully lifts one arm and in a cracked voice calls, "He-elp!"

The Eskimo pulls the sled up by him, the huskies panting in the heat, and he says to the Eskimo, "I don't know what you're doing here, or why, but thank God you are! I've been wandering around this desert for days, my water's all gone and I'm completely lost!"

The perspiring Eskimo looks down at him and says, "You think YOU'RE lost!"

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:

"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook?"

Tiring of the same old buzz cut from the base barber at Fort Dix, New Jersey, I went into town to get my haircut. The hairdresser noticed my accent and asked where I was from.
"Trinidad," I said.
"Is that in Arabia?"
"The Caribbean."
She laughed, "Sorry, I never was very good at geometry."

RS Mailbx

The one stop junction for love letters, hate mail, critical critiques and Belgium chocolates addressed to the letter editor.

Missing link in ROCKLINK report
Last issue, you guys printed an article on Rocklink, where this Reggie guy (or girl!) made a MAJOR mistake! Although it's erroneously mentioned that the show is hosted by Miraz of Miles, actually Jewel's the one who hosts the show. Shumon's the co-host, and Arafat just reads the Rock News. Maybe Reggie gets a bit drowsy during the show (who wouldn't, after midnight!), as Jewel's name is written in gigantic letters at the beginning. Also, I agree with Simin. If you guys can show such concern for girls and dedicate an entire section for them (Boycott), then you should be able to print articles on the latest funky sports cars regularly. Who ever said that cars are unpopular? Cars ARE too cool to be left out!
Best Of Wishes,
Fardeen

We seriously regret the mistaken, misprinted identity. Hope no one got murdered in someone else's place. But we all agree with the writer (Reggie is a guy) that the show ROCKS!

Pointers on t-shirt painting
The article on how to paint t-shirts was quite informative. I didn't know about the fact that you could have a watercolour effect painting on a wet t-shirt. Thanks for the info. One slight problem is that the paint spreads a bit too much if you are not careful.

For anyone interested I would also like to point our that toothbrushes and other hardened brushes make for good alternative ways to spread paint for an abstract design.
Noreen Sultana

Cat laws

1 - Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
2 - Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
3 - Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, all heat flows to the cat.
5 - Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
6 - Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
7 - Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any countertop, that has anything remotely interesting on it.
8 - Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
10 - Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state, for very long.