The week in re(ar)view

Trust in Army and Rab, OR ELSE!

Armed forces and Rapid Action Battalion (RAB) are apparently the most trusted institutions. If you don't believe that then we will send some RAB and army personnel to your house and remap your thinking processes. They have no choice but to be trusted but we can trust them to come up with lame excuses.

The police, business community, government offices and political parties are the least trusted.

This was revealed by the Bangladesh Governance Report' 2007, published April 12 by non-governmental research body Power and Participation Research Centre (PPRC) with the assistance of NGO apex body Manusher Jonno.

Arrest warrant issued against a dead man

Some say that they find life in Bangladesh quite hectic. Others disagree saying that life cannot be any harder. Yet a minority mentions that life is in fact, quite tough.

In all reality, Bangladeshis now find life difficult even when they do not have a life. Court issued an arrest warrant against a dead man and ordered attachment of his properties, following extortion charges against the man who died six years ago.

Harmuz Ali of Matuail Dhakkhinpara under Jatrabari faced this case on March 20, 2007 (but died on October 29, 2001). Apparently he couldn't care less as he has to deal with really hot matters right now.

A bug in the system

The computerised land management system (CLMS) is a project undertaken to reduce land disputes and to increase revenues. But of course nothing is yet happening due to lack of initiatives from the land ministry. Either that or they are waiting for greater developments in computer tech so the officials can play next gen networked games.

Apparently funds allocated for the second phase of the project have already been used up while the work has not even started in many areas. Probably it went into acquiring land for the officials themselves.

Under the CLMS, information on every land, its sales, transfers, current and former ownerships, categories of use, etc are supposed to be compiled and stored in a readily accessible database structured in line with the revised land settlement record of 1969 to 1983. We predict that once the system is up and running, files will “lost” in cyberspace unless money rolls out.

The land ministry sources said the government allocated Tk 97 lakh for the project in Demra in November 2004. The government then allocated further Tk 2.27 crore. And then the money got lost like the lost land deeds.

Jica to help clean Dhaka city

We can't deal with our mess because we are too busy creating it in the first place. So we get in outside help to clean up. Japan International Cooperation Agency (Jica) Vice President Atsushi Hatakenaka on 11 April expressed a hopeful hope that with Jica's technical assistance, DCC would be able to make the capital clean by 2015.

The Clean Dhaka project was launched in 2003 and its first phase was completed in 2005. Initially DCC ran a pilot project of collection and disposal of waste in four wards of the city. Being inspired by the output of the project, DCC now plans to replicate the models in other wards of the capital.

DCC and Jica agreed to extend cooperation in an Integrated Solid Waste Management and Medical Waste Management, both of which would run from 2007 to 2011. Yeah sure, but we as a nation are devious enough to devise other forms of waste.

By Gokhra and Mood Dude

The Company Policy

Dress Code

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Data shoes and carrying a Lucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Friday & Saturday.

Bereavement Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use

Nowadays too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Compiled by Efadul Huq

Cool Adda

Location: - Local Bus Stop

What to bring: - that tacky wallet your friend gave you, the handkerchief you hate, protective over-alls (water-proof), weird perspectives and everything you want to lose.

What to do: - Buy your bus tickets a day before. Buy many tickets for as many different time-tables as possible, but make sure you buy tickets of one bus-service only (e.g. Citibus or BRTC) only. Come before anyone else and stand in front of the line. When the bus is nearing, quickly wear your over-alls to guard yourself against spittle and the ever present “vomit”. Now, don't get on the bus, first be a polite civilian and let everyone else pass you and keep doing it until it becomes annoying. Finally, when someone thinks you are going to let them pass too, stop them, make a face and get on the bus. For the hot gossips, sit near the drivers. This way you can hear some great stories about accidents and bribery. The middle seats are usually reserved for people with an oratory talent. You must be in touch with recent and hot interests and you must be able to carry out a conversation. Plus, you must also be knowledgeable, as you have to answer questions. Creativity is a must, you must have the ability to make up your own facts and figures and present them in your arguments. As long as you are stupid, everyone will agree with you. Now, the back seats are reserved for intellectuals. These people are generally writers, businessmen or philosophers. If you are here to get pick-pocketed, then you should best stand. Standing is an art, because of the poorly oiled buses and exhausted tires, it is indeed hard to balance once self. It'll take some time, but hopefully you will master the art. There's also the usual “loogie” throw contest in the middle rows. Basically the one who can spit the farthest wins. There's also the “khaaaakkkkhhh” contests, where you have to make such a noise using the deepest and the stickiest places of your throat. The slimiest noise, wins hands down. All in all, you can get pick pocketed, lose things you hate, learn things, practice the art of balancing, spitting and coughing and your creativity will be boosted. If you read things on chairs then you can evens successfully fill up your phone-book (strictly practiced by losers).

Pros- You learn so many great things and you can even earn respect and get special seats by winning the contests held. Plus provided you have great arguments, you can even be recognized in “bus” circles and earn over-night fame. Cons- You become stupid, you lose things you actually like and you may even die because of all the lies and germs.

By Osama Rahman

“If it's beneficial to the political party and the minorities of the country (and thereby spreading goodwill and harmony among all masses and classes), I don't see why actors can't become politicians.” Shirin. Psychology Student.

“I personally think they should. Politicians are pretty good actors and therefore REAL actors should be perfect for the job” Nusrat. Age:15. Scholastica.

“They should do what they do best. They shouldn't interfere with things like politics.” Additya. Age: 19. ESS.

“Yes, celebrities should join politics because people already know whether they are good or bad so they can vote for celebrities accordingly.” Sanjana. Age: 23. Overseas Student.

“Actors don't have to just stick to one profession. They can do politics if they have the skills. But they should be elected on the basis of their qualifications, NOT their popularity” Manisha and Ramiza. Age: 15. Scholastica.

“Yes, celebrities should be politically involved, because by being so they can create a difference in society as they are widely known by people.” Anika. Age: 17. Scholastica.

“I kind of think it depends on the celebrity. If it's someone like Tom Hanks, The Cranberries or someone who I feel produces truly artistic work then I'm all for it.

But that's not the case. The ones who have power are Brad Pitt, Jolie, Diddy, and all the other superficial celebrities out there. I'm against it then." Rasul. Age: 16. A Levels.

“I just can imagine Keanu Reeves standing in parliament and passing bills. I mean, surely he doesn't have the qualifications to adequately run a country! The country ought to be run by capable people, and I don't think actors have that capability.” Tawhid. Age: 16. Scholastica.

By: Iftikhar Azam

With HUGE HELP IN HANDS from Shehtaz, Hitoishi, Anika, and Emil.

Overall
1. Hok Kolorob- Arnob
2. Din Bari Jae- Bappa Mojubdar
3. Shono- Habib
4. Notun kore pabo bole - Shahana
5. Boka Manushta- Sumon & Aurthohin-2
6. Ichchhe- Tahsan
7. Faissa Gechhi- Hyder Husyn
8. Bujhchho?!!- Prayer Hall
9. 10 d-Rockstar
10.Vibration 25.2- Fuad.

Source: Piano, Sings, Ghuri.
By Sami, Shovon.
Courtesy: www.tunesbd.com