Musings during a mock examination

So, my Mock Examinations are in progress (ah, you have no idea of the ordeal until you face it yourself). They are due to end within the next week; but mock exams have their own way of being a slow torture for our poor demented souls. I know they are not really exactly like the real deal but their primary purpose is to give you an idea of the real thing. For one thing, you don't exactly get to sit in that comfortable bench at the end of your class that makes a perfect place for “consultations” (read: cheating). Usually when it comes to exams, you would find this magazine full of tips on how to ideally prepare for them; but well this piece of text happens to be a more “practical one”.

Thus instead of describing on how to ready yourself before an exam, yours truly has outlined pointers below as part of his “charity work” on what to do during an exam-mock or not. They are completely original and not plagiarized (I am really against that stuff). But a word of advice; take them with a sack of salt!

1. Practice napping on surfaces of Question Papers and desks.

2. Practice Japanese Origami with the Question Paper and use them as target practice towards the teachers. This could turn out to be a very entertaining competition between friends.

3. These are good times to think of ways on bridging communication gaps and removing grudges with that nerd sitting right in front of you with his pen moving so fast along the surface of the paper that you cannot even see it.

4. Nerds, on the other hand, if they are smart enough to look out of their papers can actually relish a moment in bullying the jocks while giving them answers. Although, trust me, tables have known to be turned as soon as both parties are out of the Exam hall (poor nerds!)

5. Mocks are excellent occasions to talk about the Global Financial Recession (particularly if the exam is Economics).

6. Come to think of it, Mocks give you relaxing time to think of ideas for write-ups that you can submit to a certain teen magazine we all love to read (my personal favorite).

7. If you are an ardent watcher of reality shows, then you may set yourself an Immunity Task of limited time periods to complete examinations. Personally, this works best when you set yourself an hour period for a three hour long Bengali Exam. Although, I cannot guarantee you immune from your Mom.

8. You can figure out ways to make the building's generator noisier, which would give you an advantage of swapping answers with your friends' right under the ears of those deaf invigilators (no offence).

9. Make wish lists to be given to your parents after achieving excellent grades in your real Examinations (if you pass, that is).

10. Run along the length of the classroom crying your lungs out with the words, “GHOST! GHOST!” (If your invigilators are smart enough, they would understand it's them).

11. Post questions you do not know on your Facebook Status Updates using your mobile phone.

12. Devise new strategies to take over the world by scribbling at the back of your Paper and using stationeries as soldiers and weapons.

13. Dial 999 for answers.

14. Take part in boring conversations with teachers with zeal.

15. Here's a thought. Put your head in the exam and actually try to PASS!

Meanwhile, excuse me while I run around the class screaming “Count Dracula!”

By Wahid T. Khan

How to irritate people in a party

-Wear a very baggy and faded pair jeans fastened just above the danger level. If you are lucky the guards won't let you enter (happened to one of my friends).
-Sit in a secluded corner and stare at the floor. When you see people coming near you, raise your eyes and eyebrows, not your head at them and give a mysterious smile.
-If a person sits next to you, stare at him hard for a minute or so. He will leave.
-When surrounded by a lot of people, you may mumble darkly and inaudibly occasionally letting others hear “kill” or “yaba” etc.
-You can always make faces at people staring at you.
-When things go too quietly for your liking, go “owwwwwwwwwwww” with a wolfish tone.
-In a marriage ceremony, ogle at the bride, stay near her.
-Applause when the host says something.
-When the video camera moves towards you at the time of eating, start eating at top speed. Don't bother about your dress or the person sitting next to you.
-Going cross-eyed is always a good idea.
-If you like you can start dancing on the stage singing an English song.
-Walk around in circles, passing the same person a number of times. You can stare hard at his eyes and smile mischievously.
N.B. the above ideas are to be implemented on the userfs own risk. The author wonft be taking any responsibility for any harm. Also these are guys only version.

By Jawad Mahmud

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Quote unquote

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a
good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy;
if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates

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RS Mailox

Dear RS Editor
I guess this is a sort of complaint because the Thursday, March 5, 2009 issue of Rising Stars contains copyrighted material claimed to have been written by "Raziel".
On page 3 there is a little article or story or some sort titled "Paper Dolls". It is not an exact copy, but is extremely similar to this:
http://miss deathwish.deviantart.com/art/paper-dolls-103800626 .
Most of the lines are exact copies, while some have been changed here and there. I do not believe Bailey Elizabeth [aka Miss-Deathwish] sent her writing to RS. I don't believe so because according to her deviantART page (http://miss-deathwish.deviantart.com/) she is a resident of the US and judging from her pictures, she is not Bangladeshi either.
All her works clearly state that they may not be used by anyone and they are all copyrighted, so I thought I should tell the RS team that someone submitted copyrighted material, claiming that he/she wrote it him/herself.
With all due respect,
Saiqa

Dear Saiqa,
Thank you for bringing the matter to our attention. We do not expect our readers to send in plagiarized works and it is a matter of trust for us to print their articles. While we try to screen our articles, it is not always possible for us to detect the plagiarism. Support from vigilant readers such as yourself is what keeps us going, so please keep reading us and sending your feedback.
RS Desk

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Laff lines
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy,
will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice
saying, "The big sissy."