GoalGhar.com

TIRED of Facebook, MySpace, hi5 and Orkut? Think Facebook's sooo 2008? Or MySpace just doesn't, well...have enough Space? Or hi5 is not a tobacco company's website? Don't know what in the world Orkut means? Well, worry not! For here we have a brand new social networking website for you, with a deshi twist, aptly named GoalGhar.com.

The concept behind the site's simple; instead of merely networking socially, you can now “graze” socially- and who better to get inspired from than cows! The site promises a whole new social experience. Firstly, no one calls each other “Friend”; rather the term is “Goru”. That way, comradry is established and if you have your boss in your “Goru List”, you can call him/her “Goru” without hesitation!

Basically, everyone is a Goru here. You can graze over someone's “Goalghar”, where you can “dig” in comments with your hooves and also, for an occasion of any sort, gift them bags of Grass and Manure. Like some other site we all know and hate, Gorus at Goalghar.com don't tend to poke each other (or even SuperPoke while at it); instead, they just “Headbutt” each other. How cool is that?

A Goru may also wish to customise his/her Goalghar, so he/she can find templates with stuff for it, and also can compare Goalghars of other Gorus. Discussion Herds are available that feature vital Topics like “How will the Financial Recession affect output of grass?”, “Are we the only Gorus out there?”, and perhaps most life-changing all, “The Jonas Brothers' albums caused Gorus to Obliterate themselves”. Also unlike a micro-blogging site we know and DESPISE, word limit is not 140 characters. Fun, right?

There are games like Goru Wars (for taking control of others' Goalghars), Goalghar Drift (biofuel-driven wheels), Dance Dance Humba!! (online bovine dance competition), and of course a personal favorite Goru Poker (no explanation necessary). Quizzes are worth mentioning as well, notable among them are quizzes like, “How Goru are you?”, “What is the Colour of your Hide?” and “How Horny are you?” (pun intended!).

Besides being a social grazing site, Goalghar.com knows how to do business. The site features ads from reputed sites like CowsRUs.com, SteakPalooza.com that offer quality meats at very reasonable prices. That way, while grazing on Goalghar.com and you suddenly feel the urge to splurge for your belly, just look for Ads and your order reaches you faster than you can “Moo!!”. Be warned though; these ads can be very annoying at times.

For workaholic people who just didn't have enough time to buy a cow just days upto Qurbani Eid, they now know the answer to their predicament (and relief from jharis back at home) lies in front of them through their PCs. Virtual “Bishal Goru Haats” available throughout the site offer detailed information on cows up for sale, pictures, videos and FAQs (you know, for asking stuff like how many teeth it has, etc.). Moreover, no nagging middlemen! However, the application's still in Beta since it does not cover selling Chagols, and while searching for unsold Gorus, tends to put up certain human Goru members of the site (although the latter issue may not be a software glitch).

Security is an important issue, and there are people out there ready to steal livestock from anywhere, thereby making Goalghar a potential target. However, the IT Gorus at Goalghar have developed the Ghorton Anti-Madcow Software (GAS, for short). So, the Gorus have now released GAS all over the site to prevent it being attacked by worms like the dreaded Madcow. As the name implies, this worm attacks innoncent Goalghars and writes “maddening” comments on other Gorus' walls, while also depositing large amounts of digital Manure here and there. The Goalghar is then blocked from its respective Goru, and it then infects other Goalghars.

On an ending note, Goalghar.com is a perfect meld of Nature and modern technology, of Man and Cow, and God knows what not. This favors an outcome of non-stop entertainment, interaction, and “productivity” (if you know what I'm talking about), all this while being truly country. So, ditch all other self-glorified life-sucking websites, and join the Digital Cow Revolution!

By Wahid T. Khan