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The final verdict: elders v/s. children

Enough of Discussion Boards and Meetings of elders, children and idiots calling themselves popular daytime talk show hosts. Enough of so-called doctors writing articles explaining how the average teenage mind works, how the average (punch-drunk) middle-aged adult's mind works and the frequent usage of fancy terms like “Generation Gap” and “In your face, Oprah!”. That's because this is the Final Verdict.

What the elders have to say:
Elders: That children have no respect for them. For example, no child ever greets an unknown adult on the roads, or even first-time guests at home.
Children's Defendant: Didn't you people teach us not to talk with strangers? Pick a side!

Elders: Their sense of fashion is demented and to top it off, they gift us psychedelic kipper ties on birthdays.
Defendant: We never complained you showing us your old photographs in bell bottom pants or polka dot shirts, and isn't the thought behind the (ugly) gift that really counts?

Elders: Worse than their dressing sense is their taste for music. Which insane idiot would ever spend money on CDs full of banging and clanging sounds with loud hoarse voices?
Defendant: Two words- Metallica rocks!

Elders: We used to walk nine miles all the way from home to school. While your Highnesses cannot imagine life without a car.
Defendant: Okay, maybe if you didn't only concentrate about the walking part to school, and actually the learning part, then you would realise that walking all the way from Dhanmondi to Uttara is more than nine miles! And we never complained about transport, you gave us a car and we don't really mind using it, actually.

Elders:You creatures have no sense of responsibility. You sleep into late hours of the day, Then, in evenings, you “hang out” with other creatures, and don't return home until 01. 30 in the morning! And we sit here worrying about you, frantically calling you, only to receive a crypted text message, that says “ I M OK, BBS, DW” !?
Defendant: LOL

What Children have to say:

Children: We learn from our elders, don't we? You don't have the right to ignore us just because we are 'children'. We want to be respected as individuals, allowed our privacy and have a say in important family matters too. I mean, at least for once try listening to us!
Elders' Defendant: Yes, and the next thing we know we have you squirts holding press conferences about how vegetables should be entirely excluded from the monthly bazaar list, how grades don't matter in the path of greatness (No, we do not believe you can all be like Einstein even if you fail in maths) and how we must always say 'yes' to children. 'Yes', you say? We think not.
Children: Neatly combed, oiled hair, creaseless full-sleeve dresses, cleanly clipped nails and huge nerdy glasses to give off the Geek aura: why must that always be your image of us as the 'perfect children'?
Defendant: And your suggestions would be? Unkempt hair bleached in ridiculous colours, multiple body-piercings, Godforsaken skull tattoos and Michelangelo nail-art? We are trying to raise children you know, not Goths.

Children: Stop it. We beg of you. Stop comparing us with 'omuker chhele' and 'tomuker meye' every now and then! Can't you see how painfully irritating it is to us?
Defendant: Well, maybe if you tried doing better than those stupid kids we wouldn't have to be envious of 'omuk' and 'tomuk', get pissed and take it out on you by comparing in the first place. Seriously, 'omuk' and 'tomuk'? We have far better genes than theirs, heh (pompous). Try making us proud too once in a while, will you?

Children: Once again, 'respect'. We do not understand your type of music at all, but hey we never disrespect it! Why is it that you, with your superior brains and all that, find it so hard to do the same in our case?
Defendant: Um, nothing personal (or not), but as your elders we do have the responsibility of concerning ourselves with your health, you know. Nobody ever reported going deaf listening to Robindroshongeet, while your loud music holds high possibilities to that…and the vigorous head-banging resulting into the Free-Flying-Heads Syndrome. We don't think we want a headless (albeit alreadys brainless) generation, nope.

Children: We don't have the time to write out extensive text messages, okay? It's boring and we got better things to do. Time is money, life is hard and we like it fast.
Defendant: Yes. And LOL is still not a word! Brainless generation…sigh…
This lousy age-worn debate goes on and on, with the same old arguments in new words. The Jury and the Judge have to be replaced with living members. After all, each side can get as personal as they can, and making sense out of baloney never really…well, made sense. What was planned to be an attempt at directly listing differences between two generations for a compromise, now turned into an Epic Battle. Maybe this not really is the Final Verdict, but the Verdict for now is “Dear God, save us!”.

By The Don Khan and Kokoro Chan

Crystal and Porcelain

The things you own end up owning you. One of the more unforgettable lines from the awesomely mind-boggling movie Fight Club. Everyone will be able to see the truth of those simple words.

Take Chandeliers, for instance. What other useful purpose do they serve aside from shining down light from their high vantage points? Really awesome décor, you say? Do you, then, for some reason, find yourself always craning your neck upwards to admire the view? No. You don't. Nobody does. Unless, it's a movie/video game set, where it's possible to drop the chandelier on some pursuing evil, they serve no useful purpose, cost a fortune and essentially serve the same purpose that a simple 100 watt light does. I know it's a bit hard to take in at first, but that's the truth of the matter and the faster you accept this fact, the easier it will be, and the sooner you can give it away to people like me, who don't really mind really nice looking pieces of furniture.

Fine China. There's another one. Hell, after all these years of hearing those two words in countless Hollywood movies, TV series, books, and God knows wherever else, I still have no Gawddamn idea what they are. As such, I've decided to Wiki this little bugger and find out.

Well. I'm a more knowledgeable person than I was a few minutes ago. To the uninitiated- and I know there are many of you; I feel your pain- To the uninitiated, 'fine china' is actually porcelain, and reason for being called thus is because the origin of porcelain making is traced back to China. Some of the reasons why they seem to be so popular among the masses if because of its amazingly low permeability and elasticity, its strength +5, hardness +3, glassiness +3, translucence +2, whiteness +5 and a lot other nesses, not to mention it's +8 DC to chemical attacks and thermal shock. Yeah. I totally pulled a DnD there.

If you've not been dragged through countless ceramics stores when you were a kid, while your parents looked through countless sets of 'china', then you haven't lived. Such experiences are crucial to your growing up to become a functioning, and identifiable, person in society, one who can relate to the past sufferings of others. And years later, after the 'fine china' has been bought, after so many miles of trudging through the sidewalks of New Market or Elephant Road in your war scarred sneakers, the objects of your misery now lie forgotten and forsaken in some huge showcase, probably in your dining room, the proud achievement in 'Search & Obtain' of your parents. And you never got to have dinner on them buggers. How is that fair? What drives people to such mad insane consumerism, that they have to buy utterly useless products and leave them lying around in an utterly useless manner? What drives people to such craziness? Certainly, it's not the same thing as buying a car with a million bucks. Right?

By S. S. Emil