The week in re(ar)view

Skin is not in
Leather tanneries thrive because vampires and Paris Hilton want to enrich their wardrobes with tight slinky leather outfits and accessories. But tanneries (and celebrities) cause havoc to environment. They give our fish a bad day, every day.

The High Court has extended the deadline for relocation of environmentally hazardous tanneries from the capital's Hazaribagh by six months. And it has banned dumping wastes for two months at Amin Bazar in Savar. Does that mean they can resume after two months? Watch this space (or your water supply) in May.

Inflation is over inflated
Inflation rate in December last year reached 8.51 percent, and in the urban area food inflation reached 11.08 percent mainly due to increasing price of rice. What this means is we pay more for less. Not only will our tummy grumble but so will our wallets.

According to the agriculture ministry, production of Aman rice this season crossed its target of 1.27 crore tones with 1.31 crore tones. Government thinks market manipulation by traders' syndicate is to blame. But you readers have nothing to worry. You still get more news in bite sized quantities at the same old price. You just get less rice.

Food arrives after 38 years
About 38 years into the country's independence, the government has introduced food rationing for war-maimed freedom fighters and the family members of martyrs in the Liberation War.

Those who have not received food rations in all these years, can now finally eat. Seems patience ultimately pays off. Unless somewhere along the way you get old and die.

A three-member family will receive 35 kg rice, 30 kg flour, 5 kg sugar, 8 litres oil and 8 kg pulses for Tk 113.13 a month. About 7,838 maimed freedom fighters and martyrs' families across the country will receive food rations every month. Housing projects are also underway.

Unused garage space cannot be a hospital
A policy is being modified so that every Tom, Dick and Hashem cannot just go open a private medical college unless they have a 'Doctor' before their name. And they need to have at least two years' experience in running a hospital. This is among other requirements.

Most of the private medical colleges were established without functioning hospitals. They probably practiced on cattle, which is why most patients complain that surgeons are 'koshais' (butchers). Now they need to have a hospital with a 1:5 student to patient bed ratio if a college is to be started.

Death needs to wait
A four-hour long strike took place on Feb 28 by anesthetists of Dhaka Medical College Hospital because a doctor of surgery department manhandled an anesthetist for refusing to work extra hours. Seems patients that would have otherwise suffered sooner during surgery had their sufferings delayed.

Suffocating sweaters
Sweaters in the summer are suffocating. A sweater factory is even more so especially when it catches fire. At least 21 garment workers died from smoke inhalation at Garib & Garib sweater factory near Gazipur Chowrasta on 25 Feb.

He said the fire extinguishing equipment at the factory were not adequate in comparison with the size of the building. Seems garments workers are still considered an expendable item.

Local wheeling and dealing
Japanese automaker Mitsubishi Motors plans to assemble two more cars in Bangladesh by 2012 under a joint venture with state-run Progoti Industries Ltd. These will include Lancer EX and Pajero Sports Jeep. Currently, it only assembles Pajero V6 SUV (sport utility vehicle) for the Bangladesh market. Since our country has more cows than horses, it is not yet clear whether the engine power will be rated by 'horsepower' or 'cowpower'.

By Mood Dude and Someone

Lovin' With Dr. Lovelove

The Love Doctor that makes Cupid cry for his mommy…

…to get his diaper changed.
The Doctor, it seems, just cannot catch a break. My humble heart was already at its seams due to recent undue disrespect shown to me during the past few weeks: from the Mister to doubt to political correctness. And this week, I have been shunned further still. The pitiful employers of RS want me to make my column shorter.

Yes, readers, I understand the pain you feel. For every word I do not write, a pansy teenage girl cries in her rich parents' tiled bathroom. The statistics speak for themselves. But I will not back down without a fight. You want short, RS? I'll give you short.

Dr. Lovelove,
I don't even know why I'm writing to you since I know how witty and twisted your solutions are. Anyways, maybe I do need someone who's kinda twisted for my twisted problem.

You see I'm an ordinary 16-year-old girl who has never had a relationship with anyone before. No, I'm not bad looking. It's just that I do not like guys that easily. So, recently, I have had my first ever crush on this new guy in my class who is kinda cute.

What I like most about him is his phlegmatic manner and serene personality. There are lots of other things that make him different from any other guys I've met. And I know, somehow, he likes me back. But there's one huge problem. He's a NERD.

He doesn't like to think about anything besides studies. He has a plan of never getting in a relationship and directly getting married to whomever his mom chooses for him.

This is the first guy I've ever had feelings for and I'm NOT letting him go that easily. And I want you to suggest me a way through this. Please come up with something sensible. It's a sincere request.
Sincerely, SJ

SJ,
Girls, they're all the same everywhere, aren't they? “Oh, no, it's not the one who actually cares and pays me any attention, it's the phlegmatic-apathetic-cool one who doesn't want me that I like.” Due to your stereotypical problem, inability to keep things precise, and RS' new word limit, I have decided to keep things shorter than usual.

Firstly, stop bringing it up. Don't give him ANY signs that would tell him you want him. Fight apathy with apathy. Hang around with him, but be indifferent to his magnetism; pretend he is just (and this is important) one of the guys.

Don't make him feel as special as he usually does around you, surround him in the depths of mediocrity. Guys, to some extent, are like girls, in the sense that they want what they can't have. If you can, flirt around with another guy in front of him. His jealousy will consume him and he will come to you, how undeserving of him you maybe.

And: my solutions are NOT twisted. They are too sane for the world to digest.

Dear Dr Lovelove,
For the past 18 years, I assumed that Peter Pan was the first person I'd fallen in love with. Imagine my shock when a well-meaning relative found it her bounden duty to inform me that, no, it was a pre-school classmate I'd chatter on about incessantly at the impressionable age of two!

Do you know how it feels to have the truths on which you've based your lifelong ideals crumble before your eyes? From famed literary character to a chubby pre-schooler named Dale! And he was blond too! Oh, the agony!

Dr Lovelove, I used to think love at two was true, but now… to think my ideals have been reduced to this! Dale! I can't believe in anything anymore! The only thing that makes any sense is to curl up in a corner and wallow in my misery. But the well-meaning relatives won't let me do even that! What in this wretched world is one to do?
Yours despondently,
A Disenchanted Damsel

Dear A Disenchanted Damsel,
If this were any other week, I would take the time to come up with a viable response and a more detailed explanation to the solution. But your problem is so incredibly stupid, so incomprehensibly childish, that I will just give you three words.
Suck. It. Up.
You mistake me for someone who gives a rat's behind.

Dr. Lovelove,
My best friend has ingested something of an alien nature. No, I have not explored the intricacies of her bowel movements, and I don't intend to either. Best friends we may be, but we draw the line at … at any rate, my best friend has gone off the deep end.

I say so with the gravest heart, for I have seen her plunge deeper and deeper into this state that she calls Deep Thought, and when she emerges she is wholly insane and absolutely capable of facing decapitation by my very capable hands. Your help is greatly sought, for my friend's sake as well as my own. I dare not wish for her blood on my hands. Yet.
Sincerely,
Arianly Distressed.

Arianly Distressed,
Ah, at last. An intelligent being, and one who does not murder the English language. I see you tried to be humorous (yes, TRIED, you didn't think you earned my respect did you?) and I must applaud your effort. Now, this problem you face, is a rather common problem, one which the great Dr. Lovelove has faced many a time during his years of experience. It can be easily eradicated in a few basic steps. The first thing you should do is…

Oh, shucks. I've reached my word limit. Oops. The solution was so easy. Alas, I cannot help you. You know who to blame.

Inquiries and problems: dr.lovelove@live.com
Grudge and hatemail:
ds.risingstars@gmail.com
By Dr. Lovelove