The week in Re(ar)view

Digital Bangladesh now analogue
This week, regulators "temporarily" blocked access to Facebook. For those who donft know what it is, youfre pretending to be a time traveller from the past. Turns out a Mahbub Alam Rodin, 30, uploaded satiric images of politicians including the prime minister and the leader of the opposition making them look bad. Not that they needed help from him in that regard.

Sources in Bangladesh Telecommunication Regulatory Commission (BTRC) said part of the reason is the posting of some anti-religious and porn links by users across the globe. Porn? Really? Isnft that something thatfs now available in the air we breathe?

A group of Dhaka University students took to the streets to protest the government's decision. Just goes to show how Facebook brings people together. Meanwhile, a BTRC official said some users had posted anti-Islamic content about Prophet Hazrat Mohammad (SM) by starting a campaign inviting people to draw images of the prophet.

Educationist Prof Jamilur Reza Choudhury said the blocking of Facebook is by no means beneficial. "Information should be free flowing. When that is hampered, people would only find more interest in finding ways to bypass it." Wouldn’t it have been less conspicuous and simpler to just block the offending content? But then, is this what a edigitalf informative Bangladesh really supposed to be like? Seems Bangladesh has gotten itself into a time machine and travelled to the middle ages.

High praise
Bangladesh has managed to climb the lofty heights of fame quite literally. Or rather a Bangladeshi has. Same difference. Musa Ibrahim, on May 23, became the first ever Everest Conqueror from Bangladesh.

On a slightly related note, the Everest tip is becoming littered with garbage like oxygen tanks, human waste and wasted humans. A team of 20 Sherpas on a clean-up mission on Mount Everest has come across five bodies and collected over 2.5 tonnes of rubbish.

Expendable people
Once again it seems that human lives in this city are expendable unless the life in question is rich, famous or both. It took the death of a family to get Japan Garden City to be penalised for its violation of safety rules. Last week, the property developer was fined the princely sum of Tk 1.90 lakh. Which turns out to be more pauper than prince for a crime so large in scale.

Natural leveling
Ever since statistics was invented, statisticians have braved index finger injury to calculate ebejillionsf of numerical data. All this only to find that human life spans are progressively increasing. In fact, now people live long enough to finish watching an entire run of a soap opera show. Of course, nature feels otherwise. While better medicine, exercise and massaging chairs are letting us live longer, nature is trying to keep the span short. Turns out Bangladesh, Indonesia and Iran are most vulnerable to natural disasters.

China and India are rated as "extreme" risk. The Natural Disasters Risk Index (NDRI) is compiled by a British risk advisory firm, Maplecroft, on the basis of disasters that occurred from 1980 to 2010. Natural disasters are likely to run riot in these countries. That and the fact that our scientists and academics have backed the government move to install a nuclear power plant to meet the country's growing electricity demand. Short life is imminent. Soon.

So you can enjoy the remaining moments of your short life while you can, Re(ar)view is slightly shorter this week.

Note: Bejillions is a Re(ar)view trademark word meaning a number we canft comprehend.

By Mood Dude & Someone

Lovin' With Dr. Lovelove
The Love Doctor that makes Cupid cry for his mommy…to get his diaper changed.

Hi Doc Lovelove.
I am a boy of sixteen, five feet eight, dark-black hair, deep-brown eyes, of well physique and a good sense of humour. My friends call me Casanova, 'cause the girls find me attractive and dashing, and I have had six GFs. Maybe I am boasting but that's what I do look like. Now let's come to business.

I am here, struck with a problem which I think you can solve. So please let me out of this mess. Here it is: two months ago I went to a wedding party and saw her and fell in love at first sight. You know what I did? I proposed to her right at that moment. She asked for some time to think over. Next night she called me and it was a 'YES'. Last Friday, it was her birthday and she invited me. I went to the party and that's where the problem occurred. I saw her one year younger sis and it happened again, the first sight love. Now I can't decide what to do. Shall I keep hooking with the elder one or approach the younger? I like both of them like hell. Tell me what I shall do.
Desperate Lover Boy

Hello Casanova (You wish),
You almost remind me of myself when I was your age, except I was exponentially cooler, better looking, not stupid enough to not know what to do in this situation, and most importantly, to believe in love at first sight. Assuming we live in a world where what is inside should matter, and not our looks, a world all my readers naïvely believe in, even then, that is the most preposterous notion for a person to believe in aside from some other beliefs which I am not allowed to mention here. (Censorship in RS? Who'd have thought?) Even after the six girlfriends you've had (assuming they weren't blow-up dolls), and even after all the times you've read my column, I find it hard to believe that you don't know how to carry yourself in this situation.

Whenever you think that you're in a dilemma, and feel that you don't have a choice. Simply eliminate the possibility of choices. Don't think like a loser. Don't think that you can have one and not the other. Think you can have BOTH. Unlike the masses who strive on mediocrity, the elite, such as I, do not have to worry about opportunity cost. We can have it all and leave them drooling in the dust. But from the substandard English you have used and the essence of your personality that I've gotten through your writing, I can quite surely say, that you, Mr. Casanova do not belong in this class. But if you wish to remain deluded, so be it. 90 percent of the world is deluded.

And assuming that these two sisters aren't dolls as well, here's what I would suggest you do. For you to keep both 'til you decide which one you're actually in love with, you'll need to make the younger sister 'fall in love' with you as well. Most girls have the same mentality, that is, they like bling, money, good looks, etc., so use that, subtly, to drive her to you. When you feel that you've enthralled her enough with your apparently 'charming' personality, tell her how you feel and say that you can't be with her because you can't do this to her sister. Basically, pretend you're some self-sacrificing Romeo. That's the hook. Girls want nothing more than something they can't have, and she'll instantly cling to you like jellyfish. Try to (feebly) convince her otherwise a few more times, and finally, tell her to tell your current girlfriend how you feel. When she does, a huge fight will ensue. After you've enjoyed this seductive catfight for a while, come between them and stop the fight, and say this, word for word:

“Ladies, there's plenty of me to go around. Sharing is caring. *wink*” And voila. You've got yourself two simultaneous girlfriends at the same time. Worked for me with the Olsens.

P.S: First-sight love? Dark-black hair? Not to mention your use of acronyms. Appalling. I don't see the brightest future.

Problems, inquiries, endorsements and KMAs: dr.lovelove@live.com
Disclaimer: The writer's views are his own and RS does not condone them.

By Dr. Lovelove

RS Mailbox

Your love-hate connection with Rising Stars
Word on our last issue:

El Kun: The cover and nano tales were fantastic. And Tareq was hilarious. Great job, guys! Kokoro chan, you're the voice of anime fans BD! Can't you do a piece on some classic works, like Bleach, Naruto or Slam Dunk?

Farhat Afzal: As always, Sabrina F Ahmad's book review was great. I watched the movie 'The Secret Life of Bees' and now after reading her review, I can't wait to read the book! However, I missed Kokoro-chan's anime reviews.

Zahra Mayeesha: I love you S.N Rasul ? Will u marry me? I'm just kidding. Loved your article though. I was kind of shocked with Hussain's... firing, but still. You've got to do what you've got to do right? This week's issue was kind of boring. Can RS come up with something new? I feel like i'm reading the same thing every issue. Thanks.

Ryan Hasin: What's wrong with this narcissist Lovelove guy? Sounds like a 10 year old Twilight-hugging girl plying trade as a love counselor.........*humor column*....sheesh. Sabrina F Ahmad and SN Rasul......brilliant as ever.

Sultana Tasmerry: This week's issue was as awesome as always!

Sameen Raina Rahman: AWESOME cover! As usual, Osama nailed every little detail with outstanding wit and humour, and I absolutley loved reading about how stupid and overrated sheesha lounges are. Shehtaz Huq is a great writer; she's one of my favourites and I always look forward to reading her articles. Great job you all!

Adeeba Rahman Risha: Emil's review was fantasic, probably one of the best in RS history,and I'll probably never stop loving Tareq's overtures, this one tugged the words out of my mouth. Rasul's article was great as usual, lookin' forward to the death of the cockroach. Shehtaz' piece was nice,too.

Afsara: I honestly believe that Rising Stars is the only newspaper that actually draws the attention of us teenagers, because it has got the best load of creative minds. Last week's issue was okay...but the comic strip Babu was hilarious!! I just want to say: keep it up Rising Stars for definitely being the best newspaper ever. I'd like to request some special article on the Jonas Brothers. I asked for it in my last email but never got it

Bushra Altaf Chowdhury: Well, the first issue was literally magnificent for S.N Rasul's "Cockroach" infatuation!!.....the article was blissful !..and Osama sounded really cool and nostalgic. I liked Shehtaz Huq too. Though I read RS always, it seemed to more attractive me - the last issue. All the love for RS always!
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