Comical Commentary

Can you imagine how bland a cricket match broadcast would be without the commentators? That's because most of these men spice up the game for you, while a few others ensure you are forced to turn to another channel. The first group consists of the game's former greats and not so greats who have turned out in the commentary box for their bread and butter. Thus while the commentary box gives an opportunity to every player to atone for their past failures in the field, it also allows some like Harsha Bhogle who have no first class career to go on, to become famous names associated with the game.

If the commentators only described everything they saw in the middle and went for a straightforward analysis of the game, it would be really difficult to watch a game of cricket which lasts for 7 hours. Here's a list of quotable quotes from the commentary box that will surely make you laugh, provided you have a sense of humour:

· After witnessing a dropped catch Geoffrey Boycott said: “I reckon my mum could have caught that in her pinny"

· And here's what Boycott had to say about the art of occupying the crease: “To stay in, you've got to not get out”.

· Christopher Martin-Jenkins proved his mathematical abilities with this one: “And we don't need a calculator to tell us that the required run-rate is 4.5454 per over”.

And surely Navjot Singh Sidhu's funny quotes which have come to be known as Sidhuisms deserve the lion's share of the word limit:

1. That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.

2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over.

3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

4. This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out: "Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."

5. Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.

6. Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!

7. He is like the Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of
diesel but cannot go beyond 30!

8. The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world, which does not have wings!

9. The ball whizzes past like a bumble-bee and the Indians are in the sea.

10. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.

11. The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

12. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!

13. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala, one falls and everything else falls!

14. Indian team without Sachin is like giving a kiss without a squeeze.

15. Deep Dasgupta is not a wicketkeeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.

16. You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.

17. The cat with gloves catches no mice.

18. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

19. The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason.

By Nayeem Islam
Source: roundballpassion.com, smsjokes.co.in

Hopes, Dreams, *Jhon Jhonat*

A Story of Seven Days of the New Term

Journal Entry 55:
I emptied my stomach perfectly! I have my first day at the university tomorrow! You are thinking that the thought of going to the new class made butterflies fly in my stomach, right? I won't lie to you dear Saturated Fantasy, my diary: it was the singara I had earlier. New classes, new friends, new teachers, new books and no more regulatory studies! I am going to sleep, have fun, have more fun and sleep again. That's my new term resolution O Saturated Fantasy.

Facebook Status: Excited about tomorrow.
Likes: 1, Comments: 0

Journal Entry 56:
I forgot the belt! Oh my god I forgot the belt. I HATE YOU GRAVITY!

The thought of going to the university woke me up early. The alarm clock played a crucial part too. I got dressed. “Suit up!” insisted my mom. I didn't even give it a second thought. My mom doesn't know about the ragging. I went with a cool look instead: that t-shirt and a pair of very baggy denims. My new classmates are okay, I think, except the male ones that crowd the girls' benches during the break and try to talk. Heh! Amateurs. The way they tilt their heads, ruffle their hair and lean to the front emphasising their chest (unbuttoned to show manliness) will just work to improve my chances. Go minions, go and reflect the girls' looks of praise towards me. Muhahaha.

And I had to forget my belt. Trust me dear diary, the scene of me pulling up my pants every time I stand up wasn't pretty. Curses!

Facebook status: I like my new class. Nice to meet you new friends and teachers!
Likes: 3, Comments: 0

Journal Entry 57:
Apparently, we have to be present in 90% of the classes and listen to the lectures and take notes to pass. Heh! Like taking a candy from a baby. Oh man! I am soon going to be the first boy in this class! I can effectively see myself holding the crown that reads 'CGPA 4.00' on a pedestal amidst adoring looks from beautiful girls and looks of envy and admiration from boys and flashes of cameras. Hehehe *drools*. I am officially taking a break from my new term resolution. Glory beckons me with her most seductive pose.

On the other hand, I talked with some of my classmates. They look like pushovers on my quest to fame. A few 'boro bhais' gave me weird looks. They look like serious raggers. I kept my head high and walked on.

Facebook status: This term I'll sleep, sleep and sleep. No study for me for 6 months *smiley*.
Likes: 0. Comments: 0

Journal Entry 58:
Waking up at 7 in the morning is too painful. Bought some books and some writing pads. The books are quite heavy. You can probably kill people with them. Literally and literally. LOL. I am so funny. On the down side, the classes are boring. The teachers just write down things from their lecture sheets and drawl on and on. We tried to ask questions but desisted when the teacher started giving hazy answers. The person next to me fell asleep. What a douche! By the way Eternal Resentment, my rechristened diary, I tried to start studying this afternoon. I went as far as writing my name on the copies and the books, but then got tired and logged on to Facebook. There's a new girl trying to chat with me for a few weeks and she seems pretty interested in me. No status update today. It's nice to give people a break sometimes.

Journal Entry 59:
OMG, my T-shirt on the first day was too short and my pants too loose. Butt-cleavages. Noooooo. My first impression! Nooooo. My lab-partner! NOOOO! That creepy dude is always putting his hands around me. My personal space! Then the teacher asked me a few questions on the wave theory of light. Damn! That's the only chapter I never understood and he had to ask from there! There goes my face.

And to top it all off, I got ragged. By the same ones that gave me weird looks the day before yesterday. I don't know what was so funny tormenting a fresher. And they never gave me something to eat. I thought it was a given to treat the fresher you rag. Damn. Just wait until I too become a senior. Dear Elemental Fixation, I think this is how one sweet, innocent boy ascends to darkness. I hold the seniors guilty. Too tired to update my status.

Journal Entry 60:
That girl was in reality a guy friend pulling a prank on me. Very amusing. The way he described my messages in front of 50 others was even funnier. To others. I just grimaced. Then updated my facebook status to “the innocent and sweet boy in the crowd of maliciousness and evil ideas...” Fell asleep in the class. Pushed away some invasion into my personal space by the creepy-dude-who-is-my-lab-partner-for-the-next-4-years. I am tired. I will sleep till 11 tomorrow.

Journal Entry 61:
Holiday. Too tired. No sleep after 7. Got used to the routine of waking up at that time. Bye Monochrome Embryo.

Facebook status: Zzzzz....
Likes: 6. Comments: 0

By Jawad