Rat race: The treadmill to nowhere
Often, we end up choosing a partner who does not quite match what dreams are made of. It leaves little to the imagination how catastrophic it can be if this realisation dawns after tying the knot! Well, choosing a partner is all about trial and error that does not come with a user manual. But mercifully, most of us are resigned to accepting our fate just as we do when a natural disaster strikes!
One of the most common diseases of modern life is comparison. We often remind our children of the success of their peers, passing on our anxiety and envy to them. It happens with our spouses, too, making us feel cheated in life for not getting that perfect partner we see others having. Often, my friend's boss sounds too good to be from this planet, and my brother's job offers many more perks than I can even hope for.
Social media plays a major role in spreading this so-called disease, forcing us to compare ourselves with others at the click of a button. We are all caught in the rat race of finding the perfect boss, the perfect spouse, the perfect friends, the perfect children and so on. But in truth, "perfect" does not exist outside of the dictionary. Why can't we simply be happy with what we have and step aside from the race to catch our breath?
Comparing our situation with that of others mostly leaves us unhappy and dissatisfied. According to the relative deprivation theory, by nature, humans tend to feel they have less than some comparative standard. And this is the root cause of envy, resentment and a sense of inferiority and insecurity, which in turn gives rise to many other problems that plague human society. By comparing, people focus more on what they lack or cannot have instead of acknowledging what they have or can achieve.
By focusing more on our own potential, we can reap its maximum and be successful in our own way. It's more like golf, where you play against yourself to improve your handicaps - other golfers in the team are not so important.
According to the self-enhancement theory, people develop unrealistic and distorted views of themselves and others when they compare themselves to those who are worse off, inflating their ego and self-worth while enjoying looking down on those who are less fortunate or successful.
There are also those who lose their sense of identity in their quest to conform to or emulate some important entity in their lives. It may be a celebrity or an influential figure whose opinions and behaviour become so appealing that they lose the ability to question or reflect on them.
Then there are also those for whom the rat race stemming from comparison can be a game changer. Being a sports enthusiast and an average student throughout school, my SSC results were also very average. But it was also a turning point for me when I saw the disappointment in my parents, who compared my results with other kids of acquaintances who got star marks.
The comparison struck me deeply, and I never had to look back! There is nothing wrong with chasing your dreams as long as you don't lose your way and join the rat race!
With each generation, the rat race is getting bigger and faster, with greater rewards and more casualties. The onus of whether to run the race or not rests squarely on us. The wisdom of quitting it by appreciating what we already have is perhaps the holy grail of the rat race itself. As the saying goes, the trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat!
The author is founder and managing director of BuildCon Consultancies Ltd