Published on 06:45 PM, August 07, 2022

#Satire

Perks of living in Dhaka City

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Living a life of a Dhakaite comes with plethora of challenges. Such as ordering online, finding the right restaurant, tolerating young people calling influencers "superstars," or helping your delivery guy or Uber find your address for the umpteenth time can get suffocating at times.

How do we stomach it? How do we still put a smile on our faces? Are we wired to never get tired? The answer to all the questions above is, "We can do this all day!"

Contrary to popular belief, we have evolved to be efficient and digest whatever adversities are thrown at us. A random wide-eyed accountant with the user name "Let's get Fiscal" from the suburbs (the one close to the airport) might even call us the ultimate urbanites destined to be immune to any and all social outcry.

Take the recent and absurd fuel price hike, for example. The country's people are focusing on and monitoring how we, the citizens of Dhaka, will handle this situation so they can follow suit. To them, we say, "Hold my Borhani."  

The fuel price hike gave an extra flare to the attitude of operators of CNG-run auto-rickshaws, Uber cars, and Pathao bikes, thus rendering the daily commute undesirable. Yet, most fail to grasp the opportunities we are presented with, such as being innovative and healthy. Power walking or riding your bicycle for commute is your divine solution.

Imagine you are power walking to work; the benefits you will rip will not only be bountiful but will be practical also. Thanks to the lack of trees and the fresh air with an abundance of dust particles, you will no longer need hair clay or pomade to maintain the matt hairstyle while working on a tan that white people pay to have.

If that is not enough, you will finally have the same stories as your parents on how they commute to school or work. Walking miles upon miles and climbing small hills made of hundreds of yard of Internet wires laid on walkways, just to be at a workplace or a classroom with no electricity. However, you can skip on the occasional rejuvenating mud baths during seasonal rain; the next generation has it easy already with their smartphones and participatory awards.

If you have the need for speed, then a bicycle might just be the thing for you. Putting on a surgical mask or two to block out the carbon monoxide will make you undergo high-altitude training unbeknownst to you. Carry out this regime for a few months or so, and you are ready to climb the most treacherous mountain of all, K2, or if you are feeling lazy, then Mount Everest.

Since the price of bus and plane tickets will soar through the sky higher than Burj Khalifa, you can take your cycling skills a bit further and travel between cities while developing awesome calf muscles and abs of steel.

In between cross-city commutes, you can camp on the side of the highway while getting in touch with nature and life at its rawest form.

With transportation and logistics costs rising, farming your own food might be the answer to your diet. Having to eat just one-third of your daily intake, your body will burn up your fat due to survival mode in no time! Start saving seeds, grains, and fertilisers for your own organic farm. For the DIY details, watch Matt Damon's The Martian movie. Save and eat all food to survive and become the best version of yourself!

As the famous adventurer and ex-vegan Bear Grylls once said, "Improvise, Adapt, Overcome!" Etch it into your hearts if you want to live the life of a Dhakaite, which is making memes and writing satires as a coping mechanism.