Trust with children: How to build it, how to keep it
Parents and children have the most loving, and yet, the most delicate relationship ever. Building trust with children can be one of the hardest things a parent will ever do, and retaining that trust over the years is an even bigger challenge. However, it is this one thing that can get both parties through the most turbulent times of life with each other and therefore, is something worth knowing all about.
Listen
Listening is different from hearing; it is more mindful and deliberate. When you listen to your child, you don't simply hear the words, you grasp the underlying message. For instance, parents are likely to hear the words "I hate you" multiple times in their lives. It's mostly never what it apparently sounds like.
Attune
Being attuned to your child's needs is a step ahead of listening to them. It is also anticipating their needs and having their non-verbal cues down. A child that is having a melt-down, for example, may simply be hungry or sleepy. Instead of adding to their stress by lashing out, an attuned parent would focus on comforting them and meeting their needs as soon as possible.
Eye contact
One can glean people's most genuine intentions from their eyes. Look into your children's eyes every time you talk to them and encourage them to do the same. It will give them a very real understanding of what a sincere person looks like.
Respond
It's not simply enough to be present for your children, one must also be responsive and supportive. Once they have the confidence that they will find you each time they need you, children will make it a habit of reaching out, and the positive associations can last well into their adulthood.
Keep promises
This means following through on your word and making sure you do so within limits. This helps a child understand that it is important to keep promises, as well as be reasonable about it. It helps them be a better friend to others without allowing people to encroach their boundaries.
Do not lie
Often times, we feel that a white lie here and there doesn't matter, but children notice everything. Help them match verbal and nonverbal communication by synchronising your words with your actions. It allows them to build morality from a young age, without being scared of consequences.
Bring in consistency
Even if it seems like this has nothing to do with building trust, you'd be surprised by the benefits of following a routine. When children know what to expect, their minds are less stressed and anxious. It teaches them steadfastness and instils a sense of fairness.
Be open
Be open to sharing your mistakes with your children. This encourages young children to be open about their own mistakes and teaches them that making mistakes is not something to be afraid of. As they grow older, it allows them to see you as individual people, and helps them be more tolerant of your own mistakes.