::: Star Weekend Magazine :::

Write to Mita

Dear Mita,

I have been seeing someone for the past year or so. I've known this person for quite a while before we started dating. I have been in one serious relationship prior to this one it ended with my boyfriend cheating on me, so as you can imagine, I have issues with trust and commitment. But when this guy came along, I took my time to get to know him and I thought he was a mature, honest and nice person who seemed to genuinely care for me, so I decided to give him a chance. However, just recently I found that he has not been entirely honest with me regarding his past relationships. He concealed some facts, which may have changed my mind about being with him. I know he cares about me a lot and wants to be with me, but I am having troubling trusting him. What should I do?
Sad

Dear Sad,
Just because you have had one unfortunate incident, this does not mean that you will stop trusting people forever. The best thing is to confront him with questions that you are not sure about. His not being entirely honest with you might have a reason and you should know about it. If you are sure that he cares about you then you should give this relationship a chance. I realise that it takes a long time to build trust but very little time for it to break. However, living without trust is a negative attitude. Try to believe in the honesty of people even if you are disappointed at times.

Dear Mita,
I had an affair with a colleague a few months ago, but things ended badly. Now I have to see him every day and I find this distracting and upsetting. I cannot concentrate on my work and am always looking for excuses to stay home and avoid him. He on the other hand doesn't seem affected at all and struts around the office like he owns the place. He makes it a point to talk to all my friends at work and pointedly ignores me. This is very humiliating. I have thought about quitting the job but this seems like a cowardly option. My boss seems annoyed with my performance of late and has admonished me about it several times. What do you think I can do to overcome this?
Silly

Dear Silly,
The decision is yours. Do you want to allow him to humiliate you or do you want to show him that you are totally over him. Get a hold of yourself and be cool. Don't let him affect you, use all you determination and will power to act in any way that will give him the impression that he has no power over you. Only you can do this. Take help from friends or colleagues if necessary. You have to improve your performance at work. Why are you doing exactly what he wants you to? Surely you don't want him to laugh at you. I am confident you can do it if you put your mind to it.

Dear Mita,
I am 25 years old and I have completed my BA two years ago from abroad. I moved back immediately and started working in Bangladesh. But ever since I have returned, home doesn't seem like it used to. When I was away for college, I used to long for my home and my family, but things have changed. The political situation in the country is unstable, there is no law and order, police harass us the moment we step out into the streets. There isn't any freedom to do what we want. I am working now, but I don't feel very independent. All I do is work and go home, there is no form of recreation other than going out to eat and people are so afraid of being stuck in traffic they don't want to do much after work. I find this life extremely suffocating. I thought of going back abroad to complete my Masters and work, but my parents are old and I really don't want to leave them alone here. I find myself extremely troubled and depressed. Please tell me what I can do to come out of this downward spiral.
Depressed

Dear Depressed,
All you have said about Bangladesh is true. There is traffic jam, deteriorating law and order plus little scope for recreation. However, there is another Bangladesh and you will have to discover it with a positive mind if you are going to live here. That Bangladesh is about the resilience of people against all odds, the warmth of the common person in spite of having so little and the industry of men, women and children who keep our cities running. You will have to see it when enjoying a cup of tea with friends or listening to some story from your grand mother aunt or uncle. Go out of Dhaka and see the beauty of green fields, farmers toiling to put food on our plates and hundreds of children going to school. As I said, try to find pleasure in simple things, think about it, perhaps you will not feel so depressed.