Write to Smita

Write to Smita

Dear Smita,
I have been having some trouble at work of late. I believe I do my job with dedication and sincerity but I am forever being misunderstood. I have been instructed to come up with timelines within which certain jobs will be done by the different agencies that work under me. Some of these are very difficult jobs which include solving mysteries, so I try to be considerate and try to give the agencies atleast 48 hours, which is almost 5 years to get the task done. For some reason though, whenever I announce to the public that the job will be done within 48 hours, they start criticisng me within two days of the announcement! They say I am a liar and I make false promises. I just don't understand. Why don't they wait for 5 years and see if I have kept my promises? I am tired of being publicly humiliated. Please tell me what to do.
Sahara Desert
In charge- Ministry of Safety and Security
Bongoland

Dear Sahara Desert,
I completely sympathise with your plight. The public has no right to malign your reputation in such an outrageous manner simply because you haven't passed first grade Mathematics. So what if you make no sense sometimes? That should help you blend in with the rest of your colleagues, not stand out. You go ahead and continue to do what you do best. Influence the impressionable minds of our youngsters and unleash your Rabid Knights on the undeserving masses and take control of the situation. Hold your head high and all will be well.

Dear Smita,
I am successful Dhaliwood actor, director and producer and hab release 3 supar hit filim The Seeking, Druto Goti and The Wave that Breaks My Heart. Everyone seem to lubh my bhisonary filim and it was always housephool. One day I go to wass (read watch) my latest mobhie at a cinema hall. I was so happy to see so many seat phool (read full)! They clap when I appear on filim! But they laugh!!! They laugh when I cry, when I fight and get bullet! This is tragedy filim and they can't underistand! I am bhery hart, when Kishtina die and they juss wheesel (read whistle). Why they wheesel when I cry?
Tha Hero

Dear Tha Hero,
First of all, let me just thank you for telling me that Druto Goti was a tragedy. I will have to watch the movie again from a different perspective now. From whatever I understood of your letter, I believe I can help you with your problem. There is a very good English course being offered at the British Council. I can email you the details so you can apply as soon as possible. If the course does not suit you there are many others out there-just google it. Also any time spent at the gym is time well spent. Remember that and all will be well.

Dear Smita,
I have a serious problem. I am uncomfortable in my newly assigned work uniform. I have to wear a black shirt, black pants, black boots, black bandana and black sunglasses – I feel hot and very angry. All day I roam the streets in this attire sweating like a pig. This isn't the kind of uniform one should wear in this country. Especially in summer, but I'm afraid to protest. Help me.
Commander Hot
Rabid Knights Force
Bongoland

Dear Commander Hot,
I never said anything bad about your work performance. I think you look great. Very stylish infact and remember style is not about comfort (I am not saying you don't have a right to be comfortable) and you can't go wrong with black. I am never stopped at check posts for suspicious behavior and I never suspected the Rabid Knights for all those disappearances. I commend the great work you are doing for our country. God be with you.