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King Kamal

“Sitting here in my ring, glitter-ing in all my bling; oh! I love it when they sing, I am King, I am King!” These words were taken from a song that King Kamal, President of the Bangladeshi Cricketing Boys (BCB) was chanting quietly, as we entered his room at the BCB's headquarters.

From expressing his desire to enter the Dhallywood film industry as a lyricist to stating how he gained the confidence of his players, Kamal was at his best throughout the interview, almost providing a glance of Queen Shaksina's brilliant retorts earlier this month on 'Soft Talk'.

A man who has recently been in the papers for all the wrong reasons believed that it was time to let the skeletons out of his closet and hence decided to give the Star an exclusive interview regarding the various strategies of the BCB.

TS: So Mr Kamal, how are things between you and Tamin Iqbal following the Asia Cup fall out?

KK: Fall out? What fall out? Nobody knows the players like I do. I was trying to use reverse psychology to help Tamin regain his form and it worked! Didn't you notice? He thanked me four times during the tournament!

TS: Umm… weren't those celebratory remarks for Akram Kahn? The selector who resigned while protesting against your decision not to include the player in the squad?

KK: Nonsense! Kahn resigning was part of a huge master plan. We tried to show the other teams that we were weak and divided… so that we could surprise the others! And that's exactly what happened.

TS: But weren't we already considered the weakest team in Asia?

KK: I am afraid the common people won't understand my strategies! I always intend to do my best for the BCB.

TS: On that note, there were many reports suggesting that you put the lives of many players in danger by planning to send them to Pakistan, in order to fulfill your personal goals. Was that just another strategy as well?

KK: Once again, I have been a victim of the media. The players had no objection regarding the tour. Sure, the short tour would have given me the opportunity to become the president of the International Cricketing Committee (ICC) and yes that would have been a big boost to my career, but do you think I'd actually put the lives of so many players in danger because of my own motive? I just wanted to re-start cricket over there.

TS: Moving on, social media went crazy with a picture of Shakibul Moyna kneeling down and begging for your forgiveness. What actually happened there?

KK: Asking me for forgiveness? I am afraid you've got it wrong once again. I was merely giving him my blessings. The players at the BCB are like my children and they need my blessings before a major tournament. That's how close we all are!

TS: I'm afraid the rest of the country doesn't quite share your opinion in these matters…

KK: Of course they don't. They just don't see the entire picture! Whatever decision I take will always be for the best of BCB.

(We regret to inform you that the interviewer and the photographer both suffered from strokes following this interview. Currently though, they are stable. The Bangladesh journalism community filed a case against Kamal for mentally torturing the journalist with his answers whilst the interview was taking place.)

 

All places, characters, institutions and events described in this article are fictitious. Any resemblance to any person or institution living or dead is purely coincidental.

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