Why is making new friends more difficult as we grow older?

Remember the golden days of childhood, when making friends was as easy as sharing your tiffin during recess? Fast forward a few decades, and you find yourself pondering why your social circle isn't really expanding. You're not alone in this conundrum, nor have you suddenly become the human equivalent of unflavored oatmeal. The game has changed, and it's not you – it's time. Or, more accurately, the lack of it.

The Time Crunch Conspiracy

The heart of our social struggles can be summed up in two words: time investment. Thanks to researchers like Jeffrey Hall from the University of Kansas, we now have a clearer picture. Want a casual friend? That'll be 50 hours. Eyeing someone for the regular friend zone? That's a 90-hour investment. And if you're in the market for a best-friend-forever kind of deal, you better be ready to clock in a whopping 200 hours.

But wait, there's a catch! You can't just sit in silence for those hours, scrolling through your phones together. Quality trumps quantity here. The secret sauce to elevating someone from a mere acquaintance to a partner in crime involves meaningful chit-chats, shared belly laughs, and those precious "me too!" moments.

As we gracefully (or not so gracefully) age into our adult selves, we're ambushed by a horde of time-gobblers: work, family, that ambitious attempt at a side hustle, and the all-consuming Netflix binge. Our once free-flowing rivers of free time are now trickles, not enough to nurture new friendships.

Quality over Quantity: The Mature Approach

Enter the socio-emotional selectivity hypothesis — a fancy way of saying that as we grow wiser (or just older), we become social connoisseurs, opting for Michelin-starred friendships over fast-food acquaintances. It's not that we're becoming hermits; we're just prioritizing meaningful connections over collecting friends like Pokémon cards.

The Great Wall of Bias (And Trust Issues)

As the years pile on, so do our biases and trust issues, thicker than the plot of a Hindi TV serial. Suddenly, everyone's potential friend application seems to require more vetting than a top-secret security clearance. And let's not forget the scars left by past friendship fiascos, making us all a bit more guarded with our trust. After all, fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, and I might just swear off sharing my deepest, darkest secrets over coffee.

So, what's a Social Butterfly to Do?

All is not lost in the quest for companionship in the wilds of adulthood. These are some time-tested ways to beef up your core circle of friends:

Yes, making the first move can feel about as comfortable as wearing a three-piece suit in Bangladeshi summer, but sometimes, you have got to embrace the cringe. Remember, everyone loves a compliment, or you could also bond over your shared dislike of something.

Shared interests are the express lane to Friendship Ville. Whether its movie night, playing pool, or trekking, find your tribe and dive in.

In a world where "liking" a photo is considered interaction, dare to be different. A coffee catch-up or a walk in the park can do wonders for your social life. Invited to a coworker's kid's birthday party? Say yes. A distant relative's poetry recital? Why not! Embrace the randomness of life's social offerings.

Rekindle old flames – not the romantic kind, unless you're into that, but reach out to old friends. A simple "Hey, remember that time we tried to start a band in school?" can reignite long-lost friendships.

Making friends in adulthood may feel like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded, but it's not impossible. With a bit of time investment, openness to awkwardness, and a willingness to dive into new experiences, your social circle can grow wider than your high school self ever imagined. You're not uncool, you're just undiscovered.

Karim Waheed is Digital Editor at UNB.

Views expressed in this comment are the author's own.

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