How to deal with compulsive dodgers
Most of us would like to think that we are sincere human beings, who always mean what they say and say what they mean, and make promises which they have every intention of keeping.
Most of us also tend to lie to ourselves.
If this sounds a tad harsh, think harder. How many times have you promised someone that you will meet and catch up with them, that you will come back early from work, that you will deliver the report ASAP (as in, by today), will NEVER leave the toothpaste tube uncapped, or will definitely not miss your column next Friday, and then royally failed in delivering? Brutal, isn't it, when you really get honest with yourself?
While the person on the receiving end of this failure might not accept this argument, the truth is often you really did have good intentions, but somehow faced all kinds of crises that come in the way: a flood of emails you just had to answer right there and then; the cap rolled off and before you could catch it, an overzealous mouse just grabbed it and ran off into the abyss of the drainpipes; your brain was too fried from too many meetings. Oh, just admit it: YOU FORGOT or JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE IT! Admit it, no matter what the consequences. It will, as they say, set you free.
Unfortunately, there are those among us who take this game of bluffing as a sport or an art form and give ardent reassurances with absolutely no intention of following through with them.
Officials of many public institutions have mastered this art. And this is where the phrase "kalke ashen" ("come back tomorrow") was born, and where it is used for almost anything that needs to be done in a jiffy. Whether it is a passport, driver's licence, a letter from the land office, a correction on a voter ID card or fitness certificate – there is always that "kalke ashen" refrain. Usually, tomorrow never comes and can only be materialised through a monetary "incentive," after which everything works like magic. You may even get the document delivered to your home.
But it's not always because of this unofficial taxing system that many individuals play this dodging game. It is actually a part of our cultural make-up.
When those in important positions give instructions to their employees to get something done, they often make the mistake of believing that it will happen just because they said so. They forget to follow up.
Take tailors, for instance. These clothing magicians are also the most slippery characters and will make you go round and round in circles with their artful circumvention. You ask your tailor if he can deliver your order on Sunday, the only blouse that matches the saree you will wear for a wedding on Monday, and he emphatically reassures, "Ji, apa." Of course, you are settling yourself into a trap, because there is no way that he will deliver that blessed garment on the day he agreed he would; it goes against any well-established tailor's code of behaviour. So, the whole of Sunday will pass until it's evening, when the panic will set in and you will call the tailor and ask hysterically, "Amar blouse koi?" ("Where is my blouse?") In honeyed tones, he will inform you that it is still in the "factory" – that is, the work space where the actual sewing takes place – and he will definitely have it ready the next day, "in the morning" but actually in the afternoon! It won't matter how loudly you scream into the phone, telling him how he has ruined your life and if you had known he would betray you like this you would have never given him this task. The tailor has developed a strange immunity against these tirades from so many of his customers that it's all white noise to him now. Which is why he will placidly say, "Achha apa, dekhi ki kora jay." ("Okay apa, I'll see what can be done.")
Tailors, no doubt, are the kings of this psychological masquerade, but there are other equally adept contenders. Contractors, masons, plumbers, electricians – any service without which life will come to a standstill. The roof may collapse, the bedroom may get flooded, and you may get electrocuted, but these individuals will still be experts at dodging their clients. At the time of the negotiation, the alacrity with which they will agree to the time frame you set will leave you in a tizzy of joy or relief, depending on the circumstance. But once the deal is made, everything changes. Like marriage, one of the contracting parties will be left anxiously waiting for the other to show up, while the latter will flit around and save the entire world before coming home to the job they are supposed to do.
When those in important positions give instructions to their employees to get something done, they often make the mistake of believing that it will happen just because they said so. They forget to follow up. And if the instructions were given to someone who in turn needed to give instructions to another person, chances are that the first person forgot to follow up, too, and the second person plainly forgot (or thought it could wait till after a longish lunch), leading to an inevitable explosion. No wonder most bosses experience high blood pressure.
As irritating as it may be, the only way around these dodgers is to micromanage and nag them (every day) into compliance, while developing an extraordinary level of tolerance for irresponsible behaviour.
Aasha Mehreen Amin is joint editor at The Daily Star.