5 things to do when there is a Bangladesh match on TV
You know there is a Bangladesh match on. You've cleared up your schedule, it's a world cup match after all. Eight hours with nothing to do but lean back and enjoy the men in green in action.
An hour later, they have lost the toss, and that's basically that. The match is gone. If they win the toss, you get around two hours of actually thinking that there is a contest on. In the unlikely event that Bangladesh score more than 250 after batting first, you could possibly make it past the innings break and till the first 10 overs of the second innings. You'd be foolish, but you could try.
At any rate, that is the extent of it, so it leaves you a minimum of two and a half hours and a maximum of eight with absolutely nothing to do. What do you do?
If they win the toss, you get around two hours of actually thinking that there is a contest on. In the unlikely event that Bangladesh score more than 250 after batting first, you could possibly make it past the innings break and till the first 10 overs of the second innings. You'd be foolish, but you could try.
We here at Satireday have observed the lives of hapless Bangladesh supporters and come up with a list. You're welcome.
GET BROWNIE POINTS
You've no doubt told your significant other that you can't make any "us" plans because there is a Bangladesh match on. Well, be smart, and after Bangladesh loses the toss, tell the better half that nothing matters more than spending time with them.
Bangladesh have four matches left, and you should use this allowance wisely. You can't do this every match, so maybe skip this ploy once and watch the match, or do one of the other things on this list.
But make sure to skip the other three. That will free you up for the semifinals and final -- matches that may actually be interesting and non-soul-destroying.
HARNESS THE DARKNESS
Okay, at the other end of the spectrum, if you are one of those people who has been in a dead-end relationship and you just haven't gotten around to taking it out back and capping it, here's your chance.
Invite your worse half to watch the match with you, and then, as sure as the sun will bounce off Chandika Hathurusingha's head tomorrow, you will have plenty of reason to start yelling at the TV. And then, when you get that feeling that every Bangladesh fan gets at least 25 times a year, of there really being no reason to care about anything, break it off.
Let us assure you, nothing brings on the dark mood like watching the Tigers lose four wickets in chase of 478 before your food order arrives. It will arm you for difficult conversations
BE (ANTI) SOCIAL
If you are one of those who do all your writing and your living on Facebook, this is your time.
Half-form an opinion (anything more than half is disqualifying) and tell everyone what's on your mind, or more importantly, what should be on theirs.
Rant about the cricket team, about how Tamim Iqbal should not have been left out of the squad, about captain Shakib Al Hasan coming back to get two days of practice with his childhood coach, leaving a bleeding team in the war zone.
Or you could make fun of other fans and their expectations, making it seem like you knew all along. The sky, or the earth's core, is the limit. But don't stop there. This will only take up just about half an hour, so wait around for comments and attack anyone who disagrees. That should tide you over till the end of the World Cup.
GET SOME ACTUAL WORK DONE
We understand that this may be the least popular option, but you know, you could do it. Other people do it all the time. Be happy about the inevitability of Bangladesh's failure. It will help you structure your life.
How many teams ensure that, because everyone expects you to watch the match as a diehard fan, you actually have eight hours to catch up on work and get ahead in life? The first step is to realise the day before the match that watching would be a futile exercise, and then act accordingly.
GET A LIFE
At the risk of repeating ourselves, you are lucky to be a fan of a team that virtually guarantees eight hours of free time every time they play in a global event.
You can use that time to catch up with friends, expand your mind by pursuing new topics of interest like why watching sport obsessively may not be an out and out positive thing.
You could also think about the fact that following a group of people who have nothing to do with you except sharing the same geographic location (that too not in all cases), under a board that has done nothing for the last 12 years, may be a waste of time.
Or you could actually go to sleep. That way you may actually see Bangladesh making the semis.