This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

The cold can feel warm too.    



TAURUS

If you don't like potato chips, try fish chips. 



GEMINI

Twin Peaks is my favourite TV show.    



CANCER

All of your fingers will one day run off together.    



LEO

Don't laugh at jokes that are funny.    



VIRGO

You should stare at your dog more often.



LIBRA

Only a lazy person would get lost in the sea.    



SCORPIO

Don't touch your mom's spaghetti. 



SAGITTARIUS

Don't look away from the moon.  



CAPRICORN

Getting a ride home should be your first priority.



AQUARIUS

Don't buy fake angel wings, try fake crow wings instead. 



PISCES

Riffs are the same as cliffs; they can both be pretty long.