This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

Where do you think you are going, good sir?      



TAURUS

Your existence is important to the universe.   



GEMINI

Cats only like people who don't like cats.     



CANCER

Dogs only like people who like dogs and those who don't like dogs.



LEO

Echoes are fun, but you need a high-pitched voice.



VIRGO

My favourite person told me to tell you that you're alright.  



LIBRA

Always share your chips.      



SCORPIO

I cry for the people who cry to songs by Taylor Swift.  



SAGITTARIUS

When will you invite your friends to your new house?  



CAPRICORN

Echoes are fun, but you need a high-pitched voice.



AQUARIUS

Are you even sad?   



PISCES

Don't go chasing dragons, chase butterflies instead.