This week's horrorscope

ARIES

Racing against time is futile.



TAURUS

Education is very important, but exams? Not so much.



GEMINI

Vanity will take you to new heights.



CANCER

Of all the cafes, in all the world, don't walk into ones without Wi-Fi.



LEO

Lament is good. It's a great way to kill time.



VIRGO

Unquestioned respect of authority is a well known aesthetic.



LIBRA

That picture on Facebook you accidentally 'liked' is the reason you're not getting any replies.



SCORPIO

Stolen jokes aren't funny when everyone knows that they are, in fact, stolen.



SAGITTARIUS

Stay away from cats this week. You've been warned.



CAPRICORN

Naysayers never have the last laugh. But believers might never laugh at all.



AQUARIUS

You might be inclined to think you can swim. You would be wrong.



PISCES

Try to make a decision stick longer than the show you're watching when you came up with said decision.