This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

Some of us know what to eat for breakfast.



TAURUS

Others don't know what to eat for lunch.



GEMINI

Making a mountain out of ice-cream cones is risky business.



CANCER

Enough is enough, you need to finish your dessert.



LEO

Hunches cannot be your best guesses.



VIRGO

Unless you know exactly what you want to know, don't ask.



LIBRA

Not going to your own birthday party won't make you a better host.



SCORPIO

Dumb people will always seem smart to a lizard.



SAGITTARIUS

Reading books is cool, as long as you don't claim you wrote them.



CAPRICORN

Elaborate balloon arches are not for everyone.



AQUARIUS

Despite your obvious desires to fail, you must succeed.



PISCES

So you think you can grow a beard? Then go right ahead.