Being the therapist of your family
Do you have to hear your family members rant about their problems while they continue to not acknowledge the existence of mental health or therapy? Do your siblings run to you whenever something comes up, and you have to reassure them that things will eventually get better?
I am here to tell you that you are not alone.
It feels nice to have someone to lean on during the worst of times and trust them enough to be able to tell them everything about our circumstances. I do it too, sometimes.
However, it is essential that we acknowledge the fact that this cannot be a permanent solution, and the healthy way to dealing with these issues would be to speak to a mental health professional.
Sometimes, our family members face a scenario that they may be unable to figure out a way to deal with it, and hence they end up coming to you for help.
As a kid, I never really understood why some of my older family members had sudden outbursts where they would yell at each other or passive aggressively express their anger without making any attempt to sort things out. During these situations, I would find myself sitting quietly in my room, pretending to study or work while entertaining the rants from either or both parties engaged in the argument.
When we bury our emotions for a really long period of time and are unable to communicate our feelings effectively, we end up having emotional outbursts or meltdowns using harsh words, which only lead to hurt feelings and resentments.
My younger sibling would come up to me sometimes, telling me how she was losing hope in almost everything, and that her life seemed like a mess. I could only tell her that it would get better. To which she would understandably ask, when?
When an elderly relative cried on my shoulder after losing her husband, all I could do was hug her tight.
There is a story behind the tears that are shed for the deceased husband, a story behind unspoken words and anger, a story behind losing hope at an age where one hasn't even started living life properly.
However, what often goes unnoticed is the impact on the assumed family therapist. Remember that you are also a person whose emotions hold equal value, that there is only so much you can do. It is okay to feel overwhelmed when multiple people expect you to objectively listen to their problems and offer reasonable solutions. It is also okay to not always be available to absorb rants from your family members all the time.
Respectfully asking loved ones to give you space may allow you to establish healthy boundaries. Risking your own mental health while seemingly helping others out with their problems may not help anybody in the long run.
Angelina Nodee Francis enjoys cracking self-deprecating jokes and running away from her problems. Send her memes at angelinafrancis004@gmail.com