Jamuna bridge jealous about Padma bridge inauguration, shows cracks

While the country explodes with unavoidable hype regarding the inauguration of the Padma bridge, one bridge still remains salty as it sees its crown being snatched away. 

Jamuna bridge, previously the largest and most hyped bridge in the country, still serves its nation with diligence. Yet, the current state of the treatment this bridge gets from its countrymen can best be described as cold indifference and general unawareness, similar to the idea of privacy for children in Bengali households.

However, being built in 1998 and technically a millennial, Jamuna bridge's insecurity and its desperate attempt at making everything about itself is only natural.

We took a little bus ride to the banks of the mighty Jamuna this week to discuss Jamuna bridge's feelings about the new Padma bridge, and where Bangladesh's first megaproject finds itself 24 years after its construction.

Like every Bangladeshi 20-year-old, Jamuna bridge's congratulatory message towards Padma bridge's success was mixed with hints of jealousy and borderline passive aggression.

"First of all, my heartfelt congratulations to Padma bridge for being the Jamuna bridge for Gen-Zs. Still, let's not forget who the OG is and on whose shoulders the next generation of bridges stand on. Back in my day, we didn't have these fancy billboards, banners or social media platforms to celebrate my inauguration. We had only one channel, and it would be too busy televising content marketing for jute and batabi lebu to do anything for us bridges. I've always been ignored. Nobody named their kids Jamuna to celebrate me!"

Jamuna bridge believes that the structural inadequacies of its time should be taken into account before declaring Padma bridge's superiority. Just like a Bengali dad, Jamuna bridge wouldn't stop whining about how tough things were back in his days, "You have these big machinery now but back in my days, people had to manually place each brick similar to the Egyptian pyramids. But now, I see the government celebrating Padma bridge's inauguration while this old junk hasn't been renovated in decades. Even the BCS examinees won't bother remembering my specifications anymore!"

As the conversation prolonged, Jamuna bridge gradually transitioned from being a millennial to a Bengali dad and finally, to a Bengali mom too insecure to let go of her child, "You people don't value me now! Maybe if something happened to me and nationwide transportation was stopped for even a week, you'll realise what you lost. But hey! Nothing but the best of wishes for the next generation of bridges."

Renowned bridge psychologist Dr Sigma Fraud explained the reason behind Jamuna bridge's insecurity, "This sort of nostalgia with hints of insecurity is prevalent among individuals in their late teens and early twenties, who have fresh experience of gruelling and traumatic public examinations. They are unable to stop shoving stories of their suffering onto younger individuals who are on the verge of having the same experiences as them. These patients somehow feel this irresistible urge to take the limelight away from others and make everything about themselves. Jamuna bridge, now exiting its early twenties and entering a quarter-life crisis, shares the same insecurity when the conversation isn't about them for one second."

In regards to the cure to this psychological vulnerability, Dr Fraud suggests, "Much like what the narcissists among humans need to hear, someone has to tell Jamuna bridge to shut up for one second and let someone else have their moment."

Jamuna bridge, unfortunately, still refuses to believe the world doesn't revolve around it.

Remind Ifti to be quieter at hasiburrashidifti@gmail.com