University office staff member breaks world record for “Longest Lunch Break Ever”

Outside the administrative building of Shahbagh University, a long queue of exhausted students was visible from a distance. The students have reportedly been waiting for the office staff to return from his lunch break for 13 days now.

"I was told to wait here with my application until the lunch break was over. It has been 12 days. 12 days ago, the officials closed the counter at 11 AM and hasn't been seen ever since. And why on earth would someone have lunch at 11 AM!" complained a student.

Unbearably long lunch breaks have been a part of public university offices for a long time now. Students no longer expect their university officials to be punctual and do their work efficiently. But after Somoy Alam, an official at Shahbagh University took a 13-day-long lunch break, he broke the world record for the longest lunch break ever taken and put his name on the Guinness Book of World Records. The record was previously held by Shadman Sakib, an employee at the Agargaon passport office.

"Being a university official is one of the best jobs ever," Mr Somoy spoke to the press after breaking the world record. 

"I usually wake up at nine in the morning and come to the office at 10 AM. I loiter about for an hour and take a typically five-hour long lunch break which starts at 11. By the time I return from my lunch break at 4 PM, almost all the students are gone and I can take my post-lunch nap peacefully. Even after all that harassment, if a student is desperate enough to wait five hours for me to return and complete a task that'll take five minutes of my time, I might finally choose to have mercy on the poor soul. But I'll make sure I put on a grumpy face while putting in that minimal effort and treat the poor lad awfully for wasting my precious time." 

While asked why he didn't go back to his job instead of talking to the press, Mr Shomoy replied, "I'm still on my lunch break. Technically, a person never really stops eating. He just takes breaks between his meals. So, I'm always on my lunch break. My life is just multiple lunch breaks stitched together. Some might call me lazy but I'm actually the most hardworking person in my department," he said.  

"I'm so diligent that I sometimes take time away from my never-ending lunch break and do some official work in between. I was awarded the 'Best Employee of the Year' award for working eight whole hours in 2022! That was the highest anyone's ever worked in my profession."

Dr Jordan Jailfort, the VC of Shahbagh University, has personally congratulated Mr Somoy on his excellent feat, "Mr Somoy and his colleagues are exactly what this university stands for – a complete waste of time. Owing to session jams and pathetic academic routines, a batch takes forever to graduate from our university. Our office employees educate the freshers on the painfully slow and morbid experience that is Shahbagh University so that the freshers can prepare themselves to survive the rest of their undergraduate lives."

Remind Ifti to be quieter at hasiburrashidifti@gmail.com