All she ever wanted

Strolling by herself down a lonely street. The thundering gusts were unpleasant to hear for a little moment. It suddenly began to drizzle. The area was quickly enveloped in darkness, and the rumbling of the black clouds could be heard. Near the cemetery, tall, aged trees rustle in the wind with their leaves. As it grows dark and night falls, nocturnal animals awaken from their slumber. The wind is howling like a pack of wolves and is bitterly cold. The drizzling fog falling over her sister's gravesite was supposed to have been a cliché, but it isn't. It falls roughly, patting the freshly turned soil with clumsy hands. She breaths the smell of the new grass and dirt. This site would be appealing to her sister. After all, she could be herself and feel anything she wanted in the darkness, which sometimes was nothing. 

Lilly and Elen are identical twins by birth. However, no one ever confuses them with one another. Elen, Lilly's twin, had a terrible start in life; she wailed constantly and would not eat or drink anything. Elen initially had a problem, as their mother, Lucy, would have told you. She was so completely exhausted that she wanted to cry on the floor. Her daughter Elen was the baby who helped her realize why Shaken Baby Syndrome existed! Lucy was afraid that if she looked away for even a second, Elen would throw Lilly down the stairs or pinch her so hard that a cut would immediately appear. Lucy praised God every day for Lilly, who was as sweet as honey. What type of mother hates her child?—Lucy pleaded with God in the middle of the night. Oh, how she adored Lilly but hated Elen!  

Lilly was a quiet child who ate well and slept well. When you spoke to her, she would smile (unlike her sister, who had a demon grin on her face). Lilly developed into the kind of courteous, rule-following child her teachers gushed over. But Elen's attacks on her twin grew more cunning as they grew older. Elen would act in ways that seemed more innocent since she appeared to be bored with physical abuse. But these plotting actions wounded Lilly more severely than any bump or twisted finger ever could. Elen would tell you how her hatred for her sister was so intense that she didn't know who she was without it. 

As lightning tore through the night suddenly, Lilly drew a cursive outline around the letters on her sister's tombstone. She rejoiced in her demise. Although others probably expected her to, she would never say that. She was certain that her mother knew the accident wasn't a coincidence. Their mother had experienced all the worst. Losing a child, which was tragic regardless of the circumstances. Lucy's seemed to have become ghostly, as if she had passed away with her daughter. 

It was a bright sunny day. Lilly was on her way home from school. She was packing her belongings in the car when she remembered she needed to park on the street before her mother returned. She shifted into reverse and heard a muffled thud…a hefty tap. She jammed on the brakes instinctively. And then... Then she let it go. She let the car roll backward, enjoying the gratifying swaying as it ran directly over her sister. It was not a murder or anything of the sort. There was nothing planned. It was an accident in that sense. But it felt as if the universe had offered up an opportunity. Of course, the consequences were not pleasant. Seeing the shattered remnants of her twin's face—identical to hers—on the driveway was enough to make her puke before dialing 911. Lucy gasped when she arrived seconds later, ambulances already encircling their home. 

Then there was the funeral. It wasn't difficult to figure out why so few individuals were in attendance. If Elen had smashed Lilly with her car on purpose, everyone would have concluded that it was done on purpose. But what about Lilly? No one would ever realize she'd taken a minute to contemplate, a time when she could have altered the course of destiny. Not Lilly, who volunteered at a homeless shelter and never said anything negative about anyone. 

It has been a long time since she's stood in front of her sister's tomb, remembering the good old days. She realizes it's time to go home as the night becomes colder and darker. Every time she visits the grave, she feels...alive and connected. But now there is suddenly a sense of calm. 

As Lilly turns to leave, she sees a hand reach out of the dirt, grab her ankle, and tear her. When the blackness engulfs her once more, she realizes she'd just stumbled over her two feet. Nothing is there. She is still shaken. She dashes out of the graveyard, her pulse racing as it hasn't in a year. She keeps looking over her shoulder, expecting to see Elen. She thinks she has just heard her chortling behind her, but as she gets to her car, she discovers it was only the eerie breeze. Lilly is now perplexed.

Isn't it just like Elen to be able to create trouble from beyond the grave? She shakes her head swiftly as if to clear her mind. This is simply PTSD after years of stress from what her sister has done! 

She recalls that day vividly when she shifted the car into reverse to turn around and leave the cemetery, and knew she had done the right thing. Elen can only do so much now that she is dead. Lilly feels relieved that she is no longer alive. She feels delighted she was the one who made it happen. 

Nusrat Meherin Faiza is a student of Finance at North South University. She has a small business where she turns the fictional world she creates in her writing into reality, by making customized handcrafted goods.