A discussion on truth, dares, and death with Nadia Kabir Barb

On 24th February, a warm Saturday morning, at an event hosted by the iconic home for books, Bookworm, Nazia Manzoor, editor of The Daily Star Books & Literature, sat down with Nadia Kabir Barb, a British-Bangladeshi writer and journalist, member of The Whole Kahani, (a collective of British writers of South Asian origin) and the writer in residence 2024 for CILIP (Chartered Institute of Library and Information Professionals) RPG, to discuss her newest collection of short stories titled, Truth or Dare (Renard Press, 2023).

It was an intimate gathering of book lovers who had come together to listen to and participate in a discussion regarding a variety of topics, starting from her writing process to concepts of death explored in her stories, all stemming from deeply personal events in her life.

The discussion was kicked off by Nazia Manzoor, who described the writing to be filled with a certain "breathless energy" that struck her as "heartfelt and consuming", before moving on to Nadia Kabir Barb, who read an excerpt from the title story, "Truth or Dare". 

The words of the story filled the air, carried to the audience from the speakers in a gentle breeze that seemed to blow despite the glowering sun. Leaving the audience yearning for more of the story at the end of her excerpt, the discussion neatly slipped into the themes that seemed prevalent throughout all the stories.

"Most, if not all of the stories seemed to revolve around the concept of death. Could you tell us a little bit more about that?" asked Nazia Manzoor.

"My father passed away when I was thirteen. Exposure to death, so early on in life, kept me quite preoccupied with the concept," Nadia Kabir Barb explained, further expanding on her seemingly constant run-ins with grief and death. "And the fact that I had a close encounter with death myself contributed to that theme."

Suffering from a stroke in 2014, Kabir was reminded of the mortality that so often gives our lives meaning which, in turn, reminded her of the fragility of human life. She then explained how there were many more forms of death than one—how a death could be anything from the passing away of a person, to the loss of a relationship. These were the very concepts that seemed to bleed through her fingers and onto the paper, weaving their way into her stories.

From topics revolving around death, Manzoor then asked, "I noticed that all the women in your stories were different. Unhappy, happy, married, unmarried, mother, daughter. Could you tell us a little bit about your experience with writing women and female representation throughout your stories?"

"I wanted my women to be—as they so often are in real life—different. Unique. Women are often lumped together into one homogenous identity, but that's not the case. Each of us is different from the other. And that is what I tried to capture in my writing," she explained. She described her stories to cover everything from the seemingly average married woman in Bangladeshi households, to that of a prostitute. 

The discussion then shifted to addressing the problems that arise in the publishing industry, focusing on issues that one may face as a South Asian woman living abroad. Even South Asian characters are so often placed into one large category, as described by Kabir, limiting the writers and putting the characters at the risk of being "pigeon-holed with certain tropes that they are expected to meet." She explained, "South Asian women abroad are all boiled down into one story—one category—the immigrant story." She then went on to clarify that while the story of an immigrant is a majorly important one, there is more than one story for writers to offer.

Concerning her story, "Don't Shoot The Messenger", Manzoor asked her about the unmistakable element of realism in her stories. "Your characters and the stories you write seem complex in a manner that feels lived in. How can one build characters in a way that feels three-dimensional?"

Kabir described that the way she was able to achieve this feeling of familiarity so closely based in reality was by building her characters first. "I never start with the story, it's the character that comes to me first. It stays stuck in the back of my head till this character begins to grow a life of its own. This takes time. It is important that we, as writers, give that to our characters. Time and respect, to grow into who they are meant to be."

When asked about her writing process, Kabir gave us some insight into the three things that she believed every writer must have: "The three key tools are the gift of observation, curiosity, and imagination." On the subject of how she came to acquire this belief, Kabir explained, "When I had my stroke in 2014, I was awake but I was unable to move any part of my body. The only thing that worked was my mind. And to be trapped in your own body like that with nothing but a whirring mind showed me just how important writing and imagination is. How limitless it is for it to be able to transcend the limitations of the physical realm."

After sharing this deeply personal story, she then went on to discuss writing and addressed the emerging writers in our community. She reiterated the advice of losing the fear that newer writers often tend to battle, reminding us to get that first draft out without holding back and not to edit as we went, as so many of us are so often tempted to do.

Both Manzoor and Kabir reflected on the importance of writing in a writer's life, discussing how this simple expression could help us deal with all that otherwise feels impossible to live through. It is through this that they also reminded us of the harshness and cynicism that writers looking to get published should expect. Kabir advised writers to "acquire thick skin" in order to fight the fight that comes with trying to get published.

When asked about how writers could try to make their work stand out, Kabir advised, "It might be time, perhaps, to look forward instead of back. A lot of our writers tend to write most commonly about the 1971 Liberation War which, important as it may be, is not all that defines us as a country and a community. There is so much more to us and it is up to our writers to wade out of their comfort zone and explore these topics. Look forward, look farther back than 1971, and look outside of this genre."

She also reminded writers to keep broadening their horizons when the time comes to be published, "The Big Five, while a dream, can sometimes be unattainable without luck or the right connections. But that doesn't mean it's the end. I urge writers to look for independent publishers who are hungry for your work. There are plenty of people out there that would happily work with you to bring your book out to the world. All you have to do is find it."

These words of advice were then followed by a Q/A session where Kabir answered questions posed by the audience members. She was asked about how much work she puts into researching her characters, to which she replied that, having been a columnist for The Daily Star, she had learned to put in plenty of research into her work to preserve authenticity. She discussed how poetry comes easier to some than it does to others, and how, to her, it felt more personal than her prose. 

She was asked about her experience with censorship in the publishing industry, which she admitted was a challenge that she had to deal with, going on to note how political correctness has now become more prevalent than ever, with "sensitivity readers" who are now appointed to comb through writing.

She spoke some more about her process, labelling herself to be a pantser as opposed to a plotter, and when asked about encouraging children to become readers, she said, "It is only a matter of finding the right genre and the right book for the right child."

The concluding question in this event acted as the perfect closing question when it comes to talking about the literary landscape of Bangladesh. The question was in regards to the responsibility of teachers and academics to make reading material for schools and universities more desirable or modern, to evolve with the times. In response to this, Kabir explained that even if not in literature class, it was of utmost importance for children to read and to do anything it took to make that more accessible for schools. Nazia Manzoor, on the other hand, emphasised the role of teachers, reminding everyone that, "It is our jobs as educators to fight for the reading material we believe in. So, if you, as a teacher, believe that there needs to be a change, I urge you to fight for it."

And with that, the heaviness of the topics dissipated into pleasant conversation as audience members scrambled into the bookstore before lining up, clutching their new copies of Truth or Dare, and waiting to have it signed by its creator, Nadia Kabir Barb.

Syeda Erum Noor is devoted to learning about the craft of writing and is an avid reader who can talk endlessly about the magic of books. Reach her at @syedaerumnoorwrites.